Plumbers and Life Changers

After plunging, yes plunging the garbage disposal clear of potato skins and actually vacuuming the house myself (Gasp!), everything was ready for the social worker to come over to see the house and get to know the Blackwells a little better. I raced home from work on Thursday evening in time to light some candles and warn Cassie that she better be on her best behavior before *Kathy (names have been changed for privacy, people) arrived prompty at 5:30. I had put some coffee on so I'd have something to offer our guest, but really I wish it had been shots of tequila to calm my nerves. But, whatever.

So Kathy asked us if we had any questions for her to start out with, but we wanted her to explain more about the process of fostering, so we let her go first. Basically, we will start our PRIDE classes February 1st and attend those on Monday nights through March 29th. Simultaneously, we will be completing our Home study where Kathy or someone else from the agency comes out to our house to interview us and talk more in depth about us and what our expectations are. We will also need to get a background check, have physicals (this is new), and also get our home ready to welcome kids. While it probably won't happen, there have been cases where people have gotten a placement before the classes are finished because their paper work was complete and there was a good match. So, while J and I aim to have the kids' room(s) complete by the end of March, we are keeping it in the backs of our heads that it could be earlier.

I gave a tour of our amazing clean home and she only had questions about the gun safe and whether or not the ammo can be kept in the same place as the guns. Of course, the guns have be stored unloaded and locked up, but we knew that and that's they we keep them anyway.

We found out we are alowed to take the kids on vacations with us and let friends and family babysit, too. This is was one of our questions that we wanted to talk to Kathy anyway, so I'm glad we didn't forget to ask.

One of the things that our county is doing a little differently than most when it comes to birth parents (BP) and foster parents (FP) is they are encouraging interaction away from the agency. At first, the weekly visitations with the BPs will occur at the agency with a social worker (SW) present. Eventually, the agency would like to see the visitations take place outside the agency and at a place that is convenient to both BPs and FPs. They encouragement this kind of interaction because they have seen BPs get their act together with the help of FP's encouragement and maybe a little teaching as well. This rocks because while the goal of the agency is to keep the child's best interest in mind, they would really like to see reunification of the birth family if it's possible.

The one thing Kathy kept saying is the importance of flexibility. One of the things we will do in class is look at our life and how much we've got in it. Once we get a placement we're adding weekly visitations, doctor appointments, leaving earlier for work to take the kids to daycare, etc.

Our life with change. Well, duh. But isn't that what we wanted in the first place, only the other way around?

Satan Sucks

I really don't like giving this guy credit. I feel like if I even acknowledge that he is doing something in my life is to give him credit, so I tend to not even think about him. Although, if he is trying to do things in my life, that means God thinks whatever I'm trying to accomplish is awesome!

We have our first home meeting with a social worker from the Department of Social Services coming to the house on Thursday after work. I know she won't bring a white glove with her to check out how clean my house is, but I really would like it to be presentable, you know?

Issue #1: After changing out and cleaning the Roomba over the weekend, it's not working. Now aside from J, the Roomba has been my best friend for the last 2 and half years. It never lets me down, is always ready go when I need something, and best of all it vacuums the house while I'm at work! Jealous?

Issue #2: While making dinner for tonight, the garbage disposal clogged and I don't know the first thing about unclogging them.

So, I have dirty floors and a green smelly water sitting in my kitchen sink. Nice!

Please enjoy this video I found on Youtube of a cat riding on a Roomba. Hilarious!

Squee! My first magazine came yesterday!

A Year in Review

J and I began this year with gustoe looking forward to building our family. We jumped each other as often as possible in the hopes that once, just once we'd get perfect timing and make a baby.

A few short months later, I would wake every morning and take my temperature to make sure we were hitting the mark with our romps in the sack. Due to health complications for J, we realize this is frustrating the shit out of us a few short months later and decide to have J's juice examined. I did actually have to take myself down to the lab one morning with the goods stuffed between my boobs for warmth. Not like this guy, though!

"No sperm" hmmm Wasn't exactly expecting to hear those words. Ever. After meeting with a urologist and giving a blood sample, it is determined that everything is working well and the surgeon should be able to get sperm from testicular tissue to use with an IVF/ICSI procedure. In October, J goes under the knife, well his balls go under the knife really and we all know where that landed us.

Two days later, I begin my research into adopting and everything it would mean for our family. We settle on foster/adopt through our county and look forward to starting the process right away in 2010.

So, J and I end this year with gustoe looking forward to building our family.

I just got the call that made my holidays a little brighter!

Just when I was getting a little depressed about not being a mommy around the holidays and no gifts for kids under our tree, the SW from DSS calls to see if we have any questions from the informational meeting last week. My only question: When can we start?

Well, we will start on January 7th at our first home visit. Squee!

This visit will last approximately one to two hours. The SW will come to our house to make sure it is safe and that we have room for children in our home. We will also be going over any questions we may have at that point and what fostering will do to our lives and if we're ready for that. (Duh, just give us kids, lady!)

I know the holidays will fly by and it will be the 7th of January in no time, but right now, it seems like a million light years away to me. I know once we have a placement, all this waiting and stressing will seem like it never happened, but it's funny how the right here and now can make or break your day.

Kate

All things Child

So, J and I spent a wonderful weekend with his college roomate and (new) fiance in DC. We had yummy steak on Friday night at Ray's Steaks, went to the National Cathedral for carols on Saturday, ate lunch at Ray's Hell Burgers (Remeber when Obama went out for burgers?) and then went to see Jersey Boys at the National Theater. All I can say about the show is: WOW! We were sitting on the last row at the very tip top of the auditorium, but it was a great show that kept my attention all the way through.

On our way home yesterday, we stopped at Ikea to look around. We both had never been there and thought we'd stop by and check it out. Well, three hours later, we come out with lots of great baby/kid stuff!

We got this high chair with the matching tray and a little pillow wrap thing in case we are placed with a younger baby. We also got toddler plates, bowls, and cutlery. Nightlights for the hallway and the bathroom, child safety locks for our cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, and a step stool for the bathroom sink.

I'm so glad we had some time away from home, but now I am in go-mode for the holidays. I've got a few more gifts to get and wrap, then I'll be ready. We're hosting brunch at our house this year for a few family members that will be in town. Nothing fancy, just breakfast.

Dream Master

Usually, I don't think my dreams mean anything, but really?

In the last two weeks or so, I've come across not one, but three possibilities of birthmoms and my subconcious is seriously going to town with the notion.

The first:
It was a quiet night post Turkey Day and mother-in-law and I were laying on our respective couches watching TV when I get a text, yes text message, telling me of some birthparents who are looking for a "loving couple" to adopt their baby. Long story short, it was actually an ad in a free paper for a "loving couple" who is looking to adopt a baby. Text-message FAIL. But, I can't tell you how fast my ass shot up off that couch. It really got my heart going.

The second:
J and I have just hired a new personal attendant to come to our house in the mornings to help him get ready for work. In our searching, we interveiwed a nice young lady who, in our conversations about the job said that she herself was adopted by her foster mother when she was 5. When she inquired what age we wanted to foster, she told us of a friend of hers who was considering an adoption plan for her unborn baby because she already has 6 children that she can hardly take care of.
It was all I could do to stay in my seat and not tackle her for more information.

The third:
I am part of an adoption message board online. Today I saw a post from a girl that lives outside of DC and is considering an adoption plan for her baby in one of the threads I was reading. I have always been curious about how a birthmother chooses the agency or attorney she will use to make an adoption plan for their child, so I private-messaged this girl who lives near me and asked her. It would be interesting to hear her take on the agencies in our area.

So, I know these situations are not birthmoms asking us to parent their children, but it is nice to know that God is looking out for us and showing us that our baby could come from any number of places, even the interwebs. The only side affect of this is my subconscious. Now, almost every night, I dream that we somehow get a brand new baby; whether one is dropped off on our doorstep, or someone just rings the bell and hands us an infant when we answer the door. I am seriously going crazy!

PS I had a talk with the texting friend and let her know that it is NOT ok to text me when she gets news of a possible birthmom for us.

Sunday Comics

Ok, so last night I was laying on the couch watching "Knocked Up" on E! when in comes J from the study where he was listening to the University of Richmond basketball game on the internet. Here is what went down:

J: What are you watching?

me: Knocked Up

J: Oh, can I knock you up?

me: (blank stare) Um, no.

What else was there to do at that point other than laugh?


"You have to laugh at yourself because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't" -Emily Saliers

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

This song is my anthem while I wait:

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Saying Yes to God

For those of you still following along on what has got to be the most rediculous year of my life, congratulations!
If you had asked me six months ago if we would consider adopting, I would have laughed in your face. If you had asked me last week what we thought about foster care, I would have laughed even harder.

It's amazing what happens when you say yes to God. I had been holding on to my desire for a baby to adopt that I wasn't listening to the quite whisper God had on my heart. Well, on Monday it came to a full blown scream and I could no longer ignore what I knew was the right choice to make, however heart breaking it was to give up my dream.

So, as of Monday night, DH and I are preparing to become foster parents with the intent to adopt. We go to an informational meeting mid-December and then if we are approved, classes will start February 1st and meet for 9 weeks.

Please pray with us for the children that we will open our home to in the coming months and years. Please pray for me as giving up complete control of the situation has not been easy. And, most importantly, please stay tuned as this journey is only beginning and I hope to inform, entertain, and stay connected through this blog.

Ever feel like you're running a race and everyone is beating you? In the last few weeks, I found out that not one, but two of my best girlfriends are pregnant. And, they both come over to our house once a week to play games. I'm just going to stop there because if I keep going, you won't want to read my blog any more.

In other news, J and I visited agency B yesterday and were pleasantly surprised by the friendly social workers, and wealth of knowledge they had between the 3 of them. I can say they were much more knowledgable than the weirdo at the Agency A. They even explained to us that in regards to paying for BM expenses, instead of paying OOP for her hospital bills if she doesn't have insurance, we can have her sign up for Medicaid and everything will be covered. We also found out that Agency B has only had 4 agency placements this year so far. All the others, roughly 30ish have been parent placements which means the adoptive parents found the birthmother on their own and used Agency B to facilitate counseling, the Home Study, and post placement services.

After we met with the SW, they invited us to attend a small GTG they were having for waiting families and families that have been placed. We got to meet a few families that had placements already and they openly shared their journeys with us and how much they enjoyed working with Agency B. It was great to hear other's journeys, but a little overwhelming as well to hear that one of the families waited for 2 years for their LO. Daunting to say the least.

I know you all think I'm this strong woman and all, but I'm realy afraid right now. I'm afraid that we are going to make a wrong choice in how we build our family, whether through FA or through DA. I'm really afraid that God won't heed my desire to have an infant to bond with and take care of right after leaving the hospital. I'm scared that trusting in Him completely means giving up that dream. I'm also bargaining with God. I figure since He took away my chance to have a bio child, I get to pick the way we build our family from here on out. Sounds good, doesn't it? I wish it worked that way.

God, give me faith to see that all my trust needs to be put in You. All my dreams and wishes, are Yours for me.
Lord, help me to see that Your way of building our family is the right way, and the best way, and the only way.

Kate

Hannah

Never did I know that there could be a book out there that could grasp what I've been through in the last year like this one. If you are suffering through infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss, this is the book for you. Based on the incredible story of Hannah from 1Samuel 1,2 and Jennifer's own journey into motherhood, this is artwork in print.

I'm only page 12, but I was hooked right from the start. Jennifer tells you her 10 plus year journey to become a mother and I swear you better have tissues on hand. Also, at the end of each chapter, there is a little blurb written to your family and friends if you feel anyone should you know should read the book. I'm actually considering giving it to my mom since she feels sort of out of the loop with everything that is going on in our lives.

On another note, J and I are going to our first informational meeting with one of the agencies we are interested in tonight after work. For some reason, I'm nervous. Nervous like I couldn't figure out what to where to work today (we're meeting for dinner, then going to the meeting). Nervous like while driving to work I just wanted to call in sick so I could go buy a new outfit. Nervous like I think I should have a glass of wine before we go just to calm my nerves. Nervous cause I'm afraid they will take one look at us, decided we will be unfit parents and barr us from ever returning.

I know, crazy. I'll let you know how it goes.

Kate, the student

You must be asking yourself, “Why all this information?” Well, you see I’m a nerd. Big time. When I’m faced with something that is not known to me at the time, I want to know as much about it as humanly possible. So, because you are reading my blog, you will be dragged down with me as I read, search, and read some more. But, if you’re on the adoption gravy train, I would think this information would be helpful, especially since I did all the leg work.

J and I are getting more and more excited about adoption and the process before us. I have already started gathering documents that I know we will need for the Homestudy, and making notes about things we need to do around the house to make it more child-friendly. You know, reading about all the things that we need to get together and do before we can be approved to be adoptive parents through our agency; it makes me wonder what it would look like if every couple who wanted to have a biological child of their own was forced to follow the same rules. That would mean that not only would every couple who wanted a child have to prove financial stability; they would also have to undergo a thorough exam process where a complete stranger would inquire why they want a child. A process that I’m sure will be very invasive as far as our privacy goes. I bet teenagers wouldn’t have as much sex as they do. I bet those couples that are not in good places financially wouldn’t be having kids. Can you imagine going to your OB and having him/her tell you that “you are not in a good place to have kids, come back next year when you’ve got your act together”?

Thankfully, I have a God who will give me the desires of my heart. Whatever it takes, however it happens, I will be a mother. God will give me the right words to say and teach me about myself in this process and I’m ready and willing to be an excellent student.

National Adoption Month

In honor of National Adoption Month, I am going to try posting different information or news or websites about adoption for your reading pleasure.

Finding the Right Words

ADOPTION-FRIENDLY TERMS TO USE:

Birthparent, birthmother, and birthfather to describe the man and woman who conceived and gave birth to the child. Some prefer the term first mother and first father to describe birthparents.

Parent, mother, father, mommy, daddy, and child to describe the adoptive family members. It is not necessary to say “adopted child” or “adoptive parent”, unless the context is adoption.

Make an adoption plan or choose adoption. These terms acknowledge that the birthparents were responsible and in control of their decision.

Parent her child, when a birthparent decides not to choose adoption.

TERMS TO AVOID:

Real parent, real mother, real father, and real family. These terms imply that adoptive relationships are artificial and temporary.

Natural parent, natural child, and one of your own. These terms imply that the parent-child bonds of an adoptive family are not as strong or as lasting as the bonds formed through birth.

Abandoned, surrendered, released, relinquished, gave up for adoption, adopted out, or put up for adoption

Keep her child, which implies that the child is a possession and ignores the responsibilities of parenting.

I got these from the Adoptive Families website.

Donor Embryos?????

You know the saying that goes something like this: "The shit hit the fan"?

You probably haven't heard this one: "Reality slapped Kate across the face". No? Well, that's what happened Sunday night.

I figured that as long as I could keep a smile on my face for J, letting him know that I don't blame him for the predicament we're in, you know, be strong for my husband, that I would actually skip the morning phaze altogether. And the anger phaze. And the phaze where I just don't know what to do. WRONG!

So, Sunday night I finally cried. The funny thing is I'm not really sure why I cried. I'm still not sure why I tend to tear up while riding in the car just thinking about everything. I'm probably just overwhlemed with everything I've in the last 3 days and everything we need to go to get this party started.

I even cried when I left a message for the IVF coordinator at our RE's office. Bless her, she understood everything I said and even called me back. She told me about some donor embryos they had just received and she said when she listened to my message, she thought about us and even the RE thought it might worth a try if we want. She didn't know anything about the donors, like race, hair or eye color, but she encouraged me to at least talk to J about it and get back to her. She also told me that a donor embryo cycle would be much cheaper than adoption and it's basically the same thing only I carry the baby.

J and I are going to Fredricksburg for the night because he has a sales meeting in DC all day long. the commute will be shorter if we stay in F-burg. I will talk to him about the donor emrbyo option and let you know tomorrow what he says. He was dead set against donor sperm, so I'm not sure how this will go over. I do not want to do donor sperm, either because I didn't want to be carrying anyone else's baby. This is different, though.

Kate

Wasn't Expecting This

It looks like this will be an adoption blog.

Well, the TESE procedure didn't go as planned. The docs couldn't find any sperm in either of his testicles. They seem to think that he never produced sperm from the get-go and it has nothing to do with his spinal cord injury. They did say they were going to take his samples back to the lab and take a harder look, but I doubt they will find anything. J said all the docs and nurses were super nice to him after they found out and even brought his mom back there to tell her. (It's against policy to bring the family member back)

Jason is devistated. He is so sorry that it's his fault, etc etc. It's funny that I don't have words for him. I just held him when he came by my office to see me a while. I usually don't have words at a time like this, so I'm not surprised that I don't have anything to say.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for us in adopting. I've already checked out a Christian adoption agency here in town; they have an informational meeting at the beginning of November that hopefully we can get into. J doesn't want to talk about it yet, so I'm giving him the room to swallow everything at the moment.

I'm so comforted in the fact that God has something bigger and better planned for us than this. I'm not angry, I'm not hateful; I was crushed that MY plans were dashed, but I keep thinking about how much better His plans will be for us. A lot of the time, it's not the how that makes a difference, it's the end result that matters most.

We'll get through this.