Foster Parent Training Class Week 2

This is hard. This week's class was hard. Very hard. It took all my strength not to cry for the last hour of class. There are some harsh realities I'm not so sure I was ready to face. I want to be a mom. Not a half-mom or a quasi-mom. A mom. It's all I've wanted for as long as I can remember.

Being a foster mom is not being a mom really. We will have to get consent from the birthparents (BP) for everything from hair cuts to getting them treated at a hospital- God forbid they ever need it. If the children regularly attend a church or synagogue, it is suggested that we take them to the one the BPs want us to. I love my church and don't want to leave it just to take our foster kids to the church where their parents attend, if this happens in the first place, really.

I know this post is selfish, but it's reality. I can't help it. And let's face it, I think we're all a bit selfish when it comes down to it.

Today, we had Salvation Army come to pick up two pieces of furniture that we have been meaning to get rid of for a while now. The study-soon-to-be-kids-room is so empty now with just a computer desk and file cabinet. It kind of makes things more real for me, like we're getting close to becoming parents.

Friday night our pregnant friends came over for dinner. One girl looks as though she could have her little boy at any second and it took all the self control I have (which, let's face it isn't a lot) to not walk in front of her with my arms under her crouch waiting for the baby to drop out. So, we watched 24; two weeks worth. (Lolo, no scolding here- we've been busy. But you were right. Two VERY good episodes) And, I found myself staring at this girls' belly a lot. Like, trying to see if I could see the baby move or something. Every time I caught myself, I was so glad she didn't see.

Remember when you were a kid and you wanted that cabbage patch kid so bad? You wrote an extremely long letter to Santa reminding him of how good you'd been that year. You did all your chores and told your parents you didn't need your allowance that week. You came home from school and completed all your homework before mom had to ask if you'd finish. You ate all your vegetables. You didn't pick on your younger sibling. at. all. You didn't argue when mom or dad asked you to do something.

Yeah, that's what this is like. I wish there were some bargain I could make with God that would make it possible for me to get knocked up. I would do anything. I would even give up wine. GASP! Well, almost anything.

PS I know it took me a while to post this, but I've been having issues with pictures and was trying to fix it.


Heather Cara said...

I couldn't stop myself from touching a pregnant woman I know only casually at church. I just had to feel the belly :) I hope the classes get easier for you!

Lolo said...

You're not being selfish Kate. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. It's actually what scares me to death about fostering. It takes a lot of strength to do what you guys are doing. Even though you'll be quasi-mom to some kids, you will end up with one who will call you Mommy some day.
Oh, and no scolding here on 24. We had to dvr the last episode and watch it last night too. hehe. It's a good season so far, huh?!

Hurdles of Life said...

I am struggling through that "selfish" feeling as well.