Ever feel like you're running a race and everyone is beating you? In the last few weeks, I found out that not one, but two of my best girlfriends are pregnant. And, they both come over to our house once a week to play games. I'm just going to stop there because if I keep going, you won't want to read my blog any more.
In other news, J and I visited agency B yesterday and were pleasantly surprised by the friendly social workers, and wealth of knowledge they had between the 3 of them. I can say they were much more knowledgable than the weirdo at the Agency A. They even explained to us that in regards to paying for BM expenses, instead of paying OOP for her hospital bills if she doesn't have insurance, we can have her sign up for Medicaid and everything will be covered. We also found out that Agency B has only had 4 agency placements this year so far. All the others, roughly 30ish have been parent placements which means the adoptive parents found the birthmother on their own and used Agency B to facilitate counseling, the Home Study, and post placement services.
After we met with the SW, they invited us to attend a small GTG they were having for waiting families and families that have been placed. We got to meet a few families that had placements already and they openly shared their journeys with us and how much they enjoyed working with Agency B. It was great to hear other's journeys, but a little overwhelming as well to hear that one of the families waited for 2 years for their LO. Daunting to say the least.
I know you all think I'm this strong woman and all, but I'm realy afraid right now. I'm afraid that we are going to make a wrong choice in how we build our family, whether through FA or through DA. I'm really afraid that God won't heed my desire to have an infant to bond with and take care of right after leaving the hospital. I'm scared that trusting in Him completely means giving up that dream. I'm also bargaining with God. I figure since He took away my chance to have a bio child, I get to pick the way we build our family from here on out. Sounds good, doesn't it? I wish it worked that way.
God, give me faith to see that all my trust needs to be put in You. All my dreams and wishes, are Yours for me.
Lord, help me to see that Your way of building our family is the right way, and the best way, and the only way.