You know the saying that goes something like this: "The shit hit the fan"?
You probably haven't heard this one: "Reality slapped Kate across the face". No? Well, that's what happened Sunday night.
I figured that as long as I could keep a smile on my face for J, letting him know that I don't blame him for the predicament we're in, you know, be strong for my husband, that I would actually skip the morning phaze altogether. And the anger phaze. And the phaze where I just don't know what to do. WRONG!
So, Sunday night I finally cried. The funny thing is I'm not really sure why I cried. I'm still not sure why I tend to tear up while riding in the car just thinking about everything. I'm probably just overwhlemed with everything I've in the last 3 days and everything we need to go to get this party started.
I even cried when I left a message for the IVF coordinator at our RE's office. Bless her, she understood everything I said and even called me back. She told me about some donor embryos they had just received and she said when she listened to my message, she thought about us and even the RE thought it might worth a try if we want. She didn't know anything about the donors, like race, hair or eye color, but she encouraged me to at least talk to J about it and get back to her. She also told me that a donor embryo cycle would be much cheaper than adoption and it's basically the same thing only I carry the baby.
J and I are going to Fredricksburg for the night because he has a sales meeting in DC all day long. the commute will be shorter if we stay in F-burg. I will talk to him about the donor emrbyo option and let you know tomorrow what he says. He was dead set against donor sperm, so I'm not sure how this will go over. I do not want to do donor sperm, either because I didn't want to be carrying anyone else's baby. This is different, though.