It looks like this will be an adoption blog.
Well, the TESE procedure didn't go as planned. The docs couldn't find any sperm in either of his testicles. They seem to think that he never produced sperm from the get-go and it has nothing to do with his spinal cord injury. They did say they were going to take his samples back to the lab and take a harder look, but I doubt they will find anything. J said all the docs and nurses were super nice to him after they found out and even brought his mom back there to tell her. (It's against policy to bring the family member back)
Jason is devistated. He is so sorry that it's his fault, etc etc. It's funny that I don't have words for him. I just held him when he came by my office to see me a while. I usually don't have words at a time like this, so I'm not surprised that I don't have anything to say.
I am looking forward to what God has in store for us in adopting. I've already checked out a Christian adoption agency here in town; they have an informational meeting at the beginning of November that hopefully we can get into. J doesn't want to talk about it yet, so I'm giving him the room to swallow everything at the moment.
I'm so comforted in the fact that God has something bigger and better planned for us than this. I'm not angry, I'm not hateful; I was crushed that MY plans were dashed, but I keep thinking about how much better His plans will be for us. A lot of the time, it's not the how that makes a difference, it's the end result that matters most.
We'll get through this.