Living is the Easiest Thing

Fallness

2010-09-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

I love fall in Virginia. The leaves changing into vibrant colors, pleasant daytimes sandwiched in between cool morning and evenings, apple picking with friends, football, fires outside. I could go on and on.

This past weekend was incredible! My dad came over for dinner on Friday night where we ate burgers outside with a fire in the firepit. Saturday the girls and I walked to a friend's house where they played in their awesome yard with her kids. The girls slept most of the afternoon and I sat outside putting the training wheels on Kami's new bike so she could ride it around the yard. Jason came home while the girls were asleep and sat outside with me while I wrestled with the training wheels. Once the girls woke up, they came outside and played while I built another fire in the firepit and just sat outside enjoying the day with my family. My sister came over with sushi for dinner and we enjoyed another meal outside with candle light and firelight. After the girls went to bed, the wine was opened and my sister and I sat by the fire for several hours talking about everything and nothing all at the same time.
On Sunday we went to church, then out to lunch with a few friends, naps for the girls, the grocery store for me and then we went back to church for Awana, which both the girls love to death.

The best part about the weekend? I didn't do one load of laundry (until Sunday night). I didn't clean anything except the dishes and even then I threw most everything in the dishwasher. It felt good to just enjoy a beautiful weekend instead of worrying about things getting clean.

This weekend, time stood for me.

PS The littlest little is potty-trained!

No More Waiting

2010-09-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

Not sure if you noticed, but I stepped back from blogging for a while. And, when I considered picking it back up again, I couldn't think of anything I was waiting for. And that feels good, ya'll!

I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm content with where I am. I have a lot on my plate, but who doesn't? I'm even going back to school to get my teaching license renewed so I can start teaching again.

Of course, this may have something to do with the anti-depressants I started taking a few months ago, but it feels so good to feel like myself again and feel like I have a reason to love life. And not just life in general, the life I'm living. And I'm living it to the fullest extent possible.

So buckle your seat belts, cause it's going to be a wild ride. Fostering, Disabilities, Being a student, all while holding down a full-time job!

Good Things to come!

2010-09-16T12:24:00.001-07:00

So stay tuned.

Captivate Your Husband Summer Challenge

2010-06-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Captivate Your Husband

Proverbs 5:18b&19 tells husbands "May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

The Webster definition of captivate is: to capture the attention or affection of, as by beauty and excellence; fascinate; charm

Do you remember when your husband was first captivated by you? He saw you as beautiful and excellent. You fascinated him. Your eyes twinkled, you smiled with each thought of him, you bonded over long conversations of who you both were and dreamed to be.

Do you remember the butterflies when he was around, how it felt for his hand to hold yours, how your mind soared when you dreamed of taking his name as your last name. And then when the diamond wrapped around your finger you sat and stared at the reality that indeed you were about to become the wife of the man you were head over heels in love with!

Remembering does wonders for our soul to remind us of how fabulous our men truly are! We are the wife of our husband's youth and God tells our husband - be satisfied and captivated by her love!

But I wonder, are you still captivating or has pleasing, pursuing, touching, loving, listening and feeding you relationship been lost somewhere in the busy shuffle of life?

It's Week #1 of the Completing Him Challenge. If you are a blogger - share your dating pictures and story (save the wedding ones for next week!).

Consider: How much time do you spend on a daily/weekly basis cultivating your marriage now? In what ways can you regain some of what has been lost in the daily shuffle of life?

Purpose this week to do something that reminds your husband of the youthful wife you once were - maybe it's wearing something you know he loves on you (remember we dressed to please back in those dating days!), go somewhere you both used to enjoy going together - alone!, look at photos together of the "good ol'days", watch a favorite movie, or just simply sit together talking, listening, dreaming, holding hands, rubbing his back, and simply paying attention to the amazing husband of your youth! Treasure him this week!

I had to search for them, but I found a few pictures from our dating days:

This picture was taken at Gold Cup races that are held on the First Saturday in May each Spring. We started dating in March of 2006 and this was taken in May. Probably one of the first pictures of us as a couple.

The Monument Ave 10k is held each March and I think Jason was one of the first quads to ever complete the race. This was taken in 2007 a mere 4 months before we got married.

This is from our engagement session that was free! I can't remember when they were taken, but it was sometime after we got engaged.

Stay tuned next week for more pics from the past!

Monday Morning Motivation from Paul Harvey

2010-06-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

For Today's Kids (italics mine):

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. (by the age of 5?)

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.(Word)

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like. (If you don't know, I can surely tell you!)

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it (huh?). And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Well said.

A Full Summer

2010-06-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, we found out we will have the girls at least through August 20th. That means a summer packed with things to do for little girls and their big brothers, too!

We've already met their brothers and foster parents at the park for an afternoon of play. They also came over to the house for dinner that evening, which was a nice end to a great time at the park.

We will see them again this weekend for some Put-Put and probably dinner following. Jason and I are taking the girls fishing at a local park with the Spinal Cord Injury Association of VA, so be on the lookout for pictures from that next week.

And, a funny from this morning:
S didn't want to watch cartoons this morning while I got dressed, so she followed me back to the bedroom and when I took off my sleep shirt, she announced to no one in particular, "Oh! You have boobies!" Just thought ya'll might want to know that I have boobies. In case you were wondering.

Memorial Day Fun!

2010-06-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

This Mom Thing

2010-05-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

is hard.

I took the girls to the doctor yesterday for what I thought would be a simple you're-in-you're-out thing only to find myself using the entire morning to do so. Our appointment was at 9:30. I mean, how long could it take to get K checked out since she tells me "my weiner hurts". Thank you, older brothers.

I haven't been to the pedi in like 15 years so I didn't know what to expect. A friend of mine works at the one we went to yesterday, so they graciously squeezed us in at the last minute. I took my file that I keep on the girls, everything from copies of their birth certificates to copies of their shot records and S's daily record from school.

After they asked me every question imaginable and weighed and measured both the princesses, we were led to the Dora and Diego room (Did you know there are actually two different shows? I learned that one last week, ya'll.) where we waited for Mary Poppins. Yes, she could have played the part with the dress she was wearing. She was perfect in all aspects of the word and I wish that navy blue with white polka dots dress would have fit me. She checked out K's "weiner" and said she has a yeast infection. Poor princess. So, off to Walmart we went to get some medicine and some sneakers for K since we never did buy her any.

I need to tell you that while in Walmart, S had a breakdown and cried for the majority of our trip probably because she was tired, but I was that mom that you see in the store with the crying child and she does nothing about it. Except I planted a huge smile on my face and said Good Morning to everyone we passed who dared make eye contact.

By this time, they've missed lunch at school so we head on over to Chic-fil-A for nuggets and a romp in the play area before heading to school for a nap and playground time before Jason picks them up.

Someone should have told me that a simple doctor appointment was going to take all morning.

We did find out from the doc that both the girls are in serious need of their shots. They are way behind, so when the foster care worker comes over tonight for a house visit I will talk to her about getting them caught up and make yet another appointment for the girls to go back and see Ms Mary Poppins.

On another note, have I told you how excited both our moms are with the girls? MIL popped over unannounced the other night, and while I didn't completely appreciate that part of it, she had bought something for the girls and couldn't wait to give it to them. My mother came over last night to help Jason get the girls out of their car seats and fix dinner since I had a hair appointment. I don't usually talk to my mother this often, not that we don't want to, it's just the way our relationship works but she has called or emailed me every other day asking about the girls. I can tell she is just so excited to see them.

So, this mom thing rocks my world!

2010-05-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Evidence

2010-05-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

It's everywhere.

on the fridge

in our living room

on the bathroom floor

in the tub

in the wash (I do twice as much laundry now)

in the yard

But most importantly in our hearts.

To Love Your Husband Tuesday

2010-05-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

First, a confession: We took the girls to the park where there is a great playground on Saturday morning and for a picnic lunch. We got up bright and early and I made pancakes (Jason's fave) for everyone while making and packing lunch. When's the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Yeah, me either. Well, we headed over to the park and as soon as I we pulled into the parking lot, I realized I had made sandwiches for everyone but Jason. I know! How could that happen? Well, he didn't want PBJ, so I must have forgotten to make him the ham and cheese he requested. I felt so bad and kept apologizing over and over, but he never thought twice about it, said it was OK and before we left the playground to eat lunch, he went over to Sheetz to grab a bite. Poor guy; he suffered for the cause with chicken wings while the girls and I enjoyed our PBJs.

To say the least, the addition of two beautiful little girls in our lives has changed things and nothing really comes to mind that I did for my husband. That's sad, ya'll. I will say that I was doing my best with the girls and he told me one night after we had put them to bed that I was doing a really good job with them and he liked to see me with them, doing things for them.

I love my husband because of how much he stepped up to the plate when we were placed with the girls.
I love my husband because he calls me mom in emails.
I love my husband because he lets K climb up his chair and into his lap.
I love my husband because he doesn't let it get to him that S doesn't want to have anything to do with him.
I love to hear my husband read stories to the girls at night.
I love to watch my husband hold K in his lap and watch cartoons. (Our TV viewing has definitely changed and I'm afraid the DVR is going to fill up before the week is out!)
I love my husband because he didn't mind leaving the park to go to Sheetz to get lunch because his wife forgot to pack his.

Monday Motivation

2010-05-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

When he was a child, Winston Churchill was almost totally rejected by preoccupied, disinterested parents. He wrote innumerable letters from boarding school pleading with his mother to visit him at Christmas. Either the letters went unanswered, or the replies failed to refer to any plans about the family getting together at Christmas. When all the other students left the school to be with their families during the holidays, young Winston remained alone at his school.

It’s astounding that with his incredibly unfortunate childhood-coupled with a continued series of failures at school and later, political failure upon failure-that Churchill would show such greatness in his country’s finest hour.

But late in his life, he said something that gives us some insight into his greatness. He was 80 years old when he was asked to give the commencement address at Harrow, the boarding school he had attended as a youth. He stood up, looked over his glasses at the young graduates, and delivered one of the shortest commencement addresses on record:

“Never, never, never give up!” he cried out.

With that he sat down.

I so needed this today. First day of daycare and back to work I feel like all the life has been drained out of me. A busy weekend made even busier by two precious and beautiful little girls makes for a rough Monday morning.

Everyone seems to be doing well so far. We are adjusting to each other and trying to reassure the girls during unsettling times that they will see their mother soon and that she still loves them.

All We Know

2010-05-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

The girls, K and S, are 4 and 2 respectively. K is enamored with Jason. He had to go to work for a little bit today and she has been asking about him ever since he left. She climbs up on his chair just to sit with him. She asked him to read a story last night, and the only way I could get her to take a nap today was to tell her that he was coming home when she got up.

S is in ~~Jason's~~ Super Foster Dad's lap and K is clinging. The girls and I were getting ready to leave to check out their new daycare and he was going to work for a few hours.

We have no idea how long we will have the girls. DSS is looking for a home that is able to take all four of the children, so I am preparing my heart to say goodbye to them any time; but we could have them for a while. We just don't know.

Thank ya'll so much for your thoughts, good wishes, and prayers. I covet each and every one of them. Please stay tuned to hear more about what the girls are up to and how J and I are doing.

Timeline

2010-05-13T06:23:00.000-07:00

For those of you just beginning the fostering process or those of you who are taking your classes to get licensed, don't give up! You are awesome for making the decision to foster in the first place and I commend you for that.

Here is what took place yesterday just to give you a clue as to how fast things can happen.

I got a call from our DSS SW at 3pm letting me know there was a possible placement but through a different county. (our county is very slow right now so we're actually being loaned out) I called Jason (3 times before he answered) and we decided to take the placement, so I called our SW back to let her know. She said she would pass our contact info to the other county and they would call if they needed us.

TEN minutes later, the SW from the other county calls to give us a little bit more information on the girls and to see if we are still interested. I tell her yes, so she asks if we'll be home by 6 pm that night. Of course, we would.

I left work at 4pm and headed to Target for diapers, underwear, and socks for the girls and then went home. At 5, a co-worker of Jason's shows up with a crib (woot!) and Jason got home soon after that.

At 6:30 that evening, the girls are dropped off in a whirlwind, start exploring the house, and sit down to eat dinner. They're bathed and ready for bed by 7:45, story time with Jason and then they are asleep by 8pm.

What a day! And I would do it all over again. Just like that.

Bull Fighting

2010-05-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

I bought my ticket. But this time, I marched right down to the ring with my red cape and tight pants (YIKES) and looked the bull in the eye with my hands on my hips.

We got placed with two beautiful little girls this evening. Jason is an amazing daddy playing hide and go seek, doing story time, and giving rides on his lap through the house.

More tomorrow as I'm exhausted.

Love Your Husband Tuesday

2010-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

I didn't post last week and you can go ahead and picture me tucking my tail between my legs because it was not a successful for me as far as loving my husband went. Nothing bad happened, no fights, nothing like that; I just don't feel as if I was up to par with going the extra mile.

This last week I had to make up for my lack of extra effort, so when I got to leave work early on Friday, I did not go to Starbucks (YUM), I did not go get a pedi (in serious need, ya'll), I did not go see a friend who just had a baby (holding a new born is pure joy, no?). Instead, I went home and cut the grass. Now, this may not seem like much to some, but you need to understand that before we got married, I had never cut the grass or so much as touched a lawn mower before. I mean, that's what boys were for, right?

So imagine my surprise/shock/terror when Jason tells me that I need to cut the grass pretty soon after we were married. I stood there looking at him waiting for him to say, "Just kidding, babe. I hired the kid down the street to do it." When that didn't happen, I sucked it up and realized it never would and cut the grass. And, I've been cutting it once a week all summer for the last 3 years.

Back to this past Friday. I got off early, headed home, and cut the grass. And seeded the side of our yard that doesn't have grass yet. And weeded the flower garden. And watered that grass seed so it would actually grow. And, once there are some tiny little grasses, ya'll will get to see, so stick around!

Bull Fighting

2010-05-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

"It doesn’t take much to buy a ticket to go in and watch the bullfight. But it takes a whole lot to jump into the ring and fight the bull."

This is the quote in my Monday Morning Motivation email from Corporate. It doesn't mention anything about buying the ticket, but just when the fight is supposed to start, ~~you~~ I go into the bathroom because ~~you~~ I just can't watch.

That's what I did yesterday with Mother's day. My sister and I took my mom out to brunch and a movie for Mother's day and had a great time. Since we were going to brunch, I ~~couldn't~~ didn't want to go to church. After the movie was over, I was supposed to go home and wait for Jason to get home from having lunch with his mom and then we were supposed to go to Awana, the children's ministry at our church. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I was scared. I was stressed.

I didn't want to be around when everyone was saying the obligatory "Happy Mother's Day!" to everyone but me. Childish? Yes. Fighting the Bull? Of course not. Safe? Definitely. Wrong? I don't know.

Judge if you must, but I did what I had to do to get through my most unfavorite day of the year. This year anyway.

So, what is your bull? Did you buy your ticket? Are you in the bathroom with me? Or, are you strong and courageous in the ring with the bull showing him who's boss? Are you standing in the middle with you hands on your hips egging him on just so you can see just how awesome you are?

Most days, I'm in the ring fighting. Just not yesterday.

2010-05-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Jason and I have been working like mad on the outside of our house. You may remember this post where I put pictures of what the house looked like when we bought it 3 years ago.

Look at it now!

I have been helping where I can but the hubs has some amazing friends who have helped with the work, and he has also hired some great people, too. Don't worry, that ugly old shed in the back is being torn down in a few weeks to make room for ~~our~~ his brand new ginormous shed that will actually hold all our ~~crap~~ yard tools and the two driver's seats to the vans he drives. Those pics will come soon. For now, enjoy the slideshow.

National Infertility Awareness Week

2010-04-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

At first I didn’t think I needed to write about infertility, maybe I still don’t, however I need to give credit where credit it due. After all, if it weren’t for infertility, Jason and I wouldn’t be going down the road to fostering.

For those suffering with Infertility:

I know

And I’m sorry

A great book to read is Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake

Educate others

Please know that I am praying for you

If you know someone suffering with Infertility:

Listen

Be sensitive

Let them know you care

Don't tell them to relax

I first saw this video here and just had to share it with you. Make sure to grab a tissue. Oh, and don’t worry, we’re the 1 in 8 couples, so you’re safe.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Be sure to check out her blog, here.

For Infertility myths and facts, go here.

Training Thursday

2010-04-29T07:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday, August 14th 2010

The Luray Triathlon is set in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the beautiful town of Luray. A two loop swim in pristine Lake Arrowhead gets athletes ready for the 25 mile bike on paved roads surrounded by the woods and farms of the Shenandoah Valley. The 10K is an out and back with rolling hills and all on the roads of Page County.

So, this is the race I'm training for. Or, will be training for. My sister gave me my first week's training schedule and I have yet to start it. (Please don't tell her)

I will be doing the 10K run part of the race with my sister doing the 25 mile bike ride. We still need some ~~sucker~~ one to do the swim in Lake Arrowhead, so if anyone is interested, please let me know. Carter, do I see a plane trip in your future?

Week 1: Getting Started

Time: Start with a daily 15 minute walk at an easy pace. Weekly total goal: 60 - 75 minutes.

Walk five days the first week. We want to build a habit, so consistency is important. Spread out your rest days, such as making day 3 a rest day and day 6 a rest day.

Shin Splints: a common problem for beginners is feeling the pain of shin splints during their first week or two of walking training.

The hardest part for me will be the shin splints. I always get them. It never fails and is probably why I haven't started training yet. My goal is to go for a walk Friday morning before work and again on Saturday, rest on Sunday and then pick it back up for Monday and Tuesday mornings.

To Love Your Husband Tuesday

2010-04-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that when I started this new Tuesday thing with Lauren, I didn’t think it would be this hard. I mean, I love my husband, but how hard can it be to come up with extra little things to make sure he knows I love him to the moon and back? It’s hard, ya’ll! And frustrating, too. More on that later.

This week, I started a new sticky note for J and me to pass back and forth to each other in secret hiding places. Since I lost the other one, it was the least I could do, right? I put it in his lunch one morning for a nice surprise at work. I haven’t seen that note since so I'm pretty sure it's in the trash. Oh well.

I also made sure to tell him all week how excited I was for him to attend an all day men’s conference with other men in our church. I also told him that I would miss him but that I had some surprises planned for him that day. (Please note that on my list of things to do that day was to hang a print I had framed for him for Christmas. It is still not on our walls, ya'll)

I got a little frustrated this week when I wasn’t feeling as if my “extra” love was even being noticed. I am fully aware this is the human side of me and that I just need to suck it up and love my husband, but still. And, we got into a huge fight one morning, so I was feeling even more discouraged than I was before. Two days later, the hubs gave me flowers and called them "just because" flowers. I call them make up flowers due to the fight two days before, but I'll let that one lie. (This is a perfect example of loving my husband: letting him believe he is right when really, I know I am!)

While Waiting

2010-04-22T06:33:00.001-07:00

What does one do while one waits, you ask? (You may not have asked, but then I don’t twist your arm to read this blog, now do I?)

One plays in the dirt. These are some of the first photos I took of our house right after we bought it three years ago. The For Sale sign still in the font yard, we were so excited. Not even married yet and buying our first house. What were we thinking? A lot has changed since then, however I can't find my camera to prove it to you, but once I do, there will photos galore of all the improvements. You won't even recognize it!

One trains for a triathlon with her younger, much skinnier sister. Yes, I started smoking crack on Sunday while at brunch with my family. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but hopefully as B gives me workouts to do, I’ll be able to post them here. By the way, here is my sister as she prepared to complete the swim leg of a short triathlon 2 years ago in the Rappahannock river.

Welcome to the gun show!

And, this is me on the right. B and I look nothing alike and there were even rumors she looked like the mailman at one point while growing up, because she really didn't look like either one of our parents, either.

One also spends as much time with the hubs as possible, knowing full well that any day now our alone time could get a lot smaller with little notice.

One washes and puts away baby/small child clothes. If we ever do get a placement, I want to be as ready as possible, so I’ve gotten together pajamas in all sizes and for both boy and girl. I am now washing them to make sure they are ready for any child to wear them.

One also tries to find the camera so I can give you a better glimpse into our lives and what we like to do. Until then, what do you want to know about me? Any burning questions you must know the answer to? No question too small or too big, I'll try to answer them as best I can. Leave your comments now!

2010-04-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

To Love Your Husband Tuesday

2010-04-20T06:26:00.001-07:00

After Lauren put the challenge out there last week to go above and beyond to love my husband, I tried to come up with some ways to over-love him all week and make he knows he is my bread and butter. I came up with a few that I want to share with you!

First, I made sure that when ever I sent Jason and email at work, I signed with XOXO. Even if it was just to make sure he knew about something that was going on that night, I wanted him to know that I loved him. And, sometimes I even sent him an email just to him I love him.

Second, I sent him an evite for sex on Saturday morning. I know, scheduled intimacy? Boring, right? Well, having a spinal cord injury does not make for the most romantic life, but we do what we can to be spontaneous. Plus, this little understanding gave us both something to look forward to. So, come Saturday morning we slept in, had a romp in the sack, and then spent the whole day doing nothing in particular.

So, what did you do last week to make sure your husband knows you love him? Go over to Living By Faith and post a link to your blog post or simply leave a comment here.

For next week, I think I'll start another sticky note. (Cause I lost the other one we had going!)

Want to Strengthen Your Marriage?

2010-04-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

FamilyLife and Premier Christian Cruises are so excited to bring you the first ever fully chartered Christian marriage cruise! What does this mean for you? It means you and your spouse get to go on a cruise ship full of only Christian couples! This cruise is for you...from the clean cut entertainment to the romantic walks on the beach, to our marriage experts...there's something for every couple. And here is just some of what you'll learn on the cruise:

God's purpose for bringing you together.

Your distinctive roles as husband and wife.

How to resolve conflict and "fight fair".

Secrets to putting the sizzle in your sex life.

Jason and I are group leaders for this amazing opportunity to not only go on a cruise for Valentine's Day, 2011 but also get the opportunity for some great advice on how to make your marriage the very best it can be. Email me at: mkinbelize at yahoo dot com for more information on how to save $100 of your cabin fee. Or, go to this website!

2010-04-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

Foster Parents Podcast

2010-04-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

M over at Hurdles of Life posted about this great podcast taped by T and W and their experiences in foster parenting.

With humor, insight and Christian faith, they share their everyday ups and downs as a foster family hoping to adopt. What exactly are the pros and cons of foster parenting? Get your questions answered about the foster and fost adopt system while following T and W’s journey through the process. What’s it like to deal with the system? Are all social workers really jaded? How intrusive is it on your life? All these questions and more will be answered from T and W’s real-life perspective. Watch out! You may find yourself thinking about fostering or adopting too!

There's a search function at the top right, so go ahead and type in your question to hear what T and W say about it.

Waiting

2010-04-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

What?!?! You want me to wait some more?

It seems that every time I close a chapter in this whole fostering thing, I have to wait to open the next one. Hence the blog title.

So, Jason and I finished up our Home Study this morning with the Social Worker. I was kind of expecting a congratulations or a standing ovation or something, but all she said at the end was “welcome and thank you for your hard work and dedication to the children in our county”.

So now we wait.

And it could be a long wait, too since our county has only placed one case since the beginning of the year. Of course, that’s wonderful for the children here since that means parents are doing what they are supposed to do and taking good care of their kids. For us though, not so good I guess. Does that sound selfish? We may not have to wait that long since our county is loaning out their FPs to other surrounding agencies who may need us.

I’m used to waiting for things. My mother raised us girls to not ask for things, you were supposed to wait for it to be offered to you. That was real fun watching all the other kids get to ride the Sea Doos while we waited on the beach. But, with this, I was hoping that the social worker would walk down our front steps to leave only to turn around abruptly and say she forgot that she actually had a placement for us and he/she is waiting in the car. A girl can dream, right?

And so the wait begins……again.

To Love Their Husbands

2010-04-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

Lauren over at Living By Faith has decided to host To Love Their Husbands every Tuesday.

Keep checking back here every Tuesday to see how I try to go above and beyond loving my husband for the sake of making our marriage the very best it can be.

I'd like to challenge you to love your husbands as well; to go above and beyond what he expects for you. Feel free to grab the button for your own blog, or you can always leave a comment here. So, how will you go above and beyond for your hubs? Remember my post about this? What does he enjoy doing that you maybe don't think is that much fun?

Can't wait to see how you love your husband this week!

2010-04-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

Check out the paper trail!

We only have one more visit with the social worker before we are actively waiting.

Part of me feels like this journey is coming to an end, when really it's only just beginning. Thanks for hanging in there through the bumps, twists, and turns, ya'll!

Not Perfection.......Me

2010-03-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, Kelle Hampton wrote this post on her blog, Enjoying the Small Things and it has caused, no helped me to realize and understand that being the perfect wife and mother is not what I once thought it meant.

When J and I first got married, I thought being the perfect wife meant doing all the laundry in one day, keeping dirty dishes out of the sink and the living room picked up with no blankets thrown around and gasp no dirty clothes lying around either. Now that motherhood is looming ever so close I was scared to death at what being the perfect mother would mean. Would I be able to keep a clean house, work full time, take care of foster kids, make time for me and J and have time for myself to get a pedicure? (I think the pedicure should have been at the top of that list, but I wouldn’t want ya’ll thinking I’m selfish or anything)

Because of Kelle’s post, I’m beginning to think the important things aren’t whether or not the dishwasher gets emptied, or the sunroom gets vacuumed, or the clean laundry gets folded. It’s all about hugs (and maybe camouflage band aids) when there are tears, stories when it’s time for bed, milk for breakfast and juice at lunch, smiles cause I love them so much.

There are so many emotions running through my heart right now I hardly know how to name them. All I know and put my trust in is that God is in control of this situation, he knows what’s coming and what I'll need to get through it and see the sunshine on the other side.

I guess we've spent so much time preparing our hearts and our house and praying for direction that I'm freaking out now that its time and it could happen any moment now. I mean after Wednesday we're open, we're on the list, we could get called, we could come home from work and pick up a child on the way.

Poor Cassie won't know what hit her!

2010-03-30T06:34:00.000-07:00

These wonderful girls came over Friday night to help decorate my house for Saturday's festivities.

This is the party planner extraordinaire!

M wanted to help tie the balloons together.

(The boys blew up the balloons for us with all their hot air)

We were up late working on the balloons that hung over the doorway.

Working on the kid's room:

It hadn't even been 10 minutes after I made up the bed when Cassie got up there to check things out!

See the yellow blanket on the end of the bed? MIL's friend made that for us. She made it bigger than a baby blanket so it would fit a twin bed.

See the colorful blanket on the recliner? That was mine when I was a baby. I can't believe my mom saved it! Obviously, that was my favorite gift.

More pictures from the actual shower to come once I get them from my friend's camera.

Connect the World

2010-03-16T12:13:00.001-07:00

I've been following this blog for several weeks now by a mom/photog/writer. Her story has made it from where she lives in Florida to around the world within a matter of weeks because of this post. To date, her blog has received over one million hits!

Today, she is the Connector of Day being interviewed by Becky Anderson.

Be sure to check out CNN when you get home to see the interview!

A Little Understanding

2010-03-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

Baggage

Don't you hate it when you come back from vacation and reality hits you in the face? It's like for four days I was able to forget all that we'd been through in the last year and as soon as we walk

through the door, it all comes flooding back. *To include the cat screaming at me at the top of her little kitty lungs, "Where the eff have you been all weekend and when will you feed me?" One cat for sale.

So how is it that I got over the whole not-having-my-own-Kbombs thing really quickly this time around? Am I becoming numb to it? Uh, no. I'm pushing through. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y coming to realize that this thing is not going away, that God is not going to say, "Oops! I meant this whole thing for someone else, so ya'll can start having sex like rabbits again cause it will pay off." I get that my kids will never be like your kids. Their needs will be different from your kids' needs. When your kid is throwing a temper tantrum because he/she wants ice cream, it's really cause they want ice cream. However when my kid throws a temper tantrum because they want ice cream, it's because they just had a visit with their birthmom who didn't like the way their hair was fixed, talked about their father who abused them, and made doing well in school seem like a stupid thing to do. My kid's temper tantrum about ice cream is because of the feelings they have about the visit and the fact that they have no way of naming these feelings much less how to express them. So, my kid gets ice cream. If that's what it takes to get through the visits each week. Much in the same way vino has helped me to get through this bizarre way of building our family. What helps you get through it? Chocolate? Ice cream? Vino? (those were off the top of my head)

First Home Visit

I was worried for nothing. It was a piece of cake. The social worker came over to the house, (which was spotless might I add) and the four of us (Cassie sat on the floor staring up at her for the whole hour and a half she was at our house) just talked about the things that have been covered in class so far and what we thought about them. The next step is for Jason and I to make appointments to meet with her separately so we can go over our genogram in more depth, and also to go over our homework which covers such areas as the different losses we have been through in our lives, how we were disciplined growing up, who provided guidance for us when we were growing up.

Bible Study

Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light. Matthew 11-28-30

This was on one of the hand outs from class last night in regards to discipline and how it should never be distorted to mean punishment. But, you know I looked at it in a different way and there have been other things in the last few days that have been speaking to me sort of. (I don't hear voices, so please no one call Tuckers) Through out this whole process, I've been praying like mad. But, I haven't really been in the Word. So, imagine my surprise when I'm getting all these little hints to come to God with my questions and what I'm feeling. My mother was right. I'm hardheaded.

Four days in Atlantic to lighten my load and give me a fresh perspective on life and what the heck is going on with mine. Just what I needed. And, how awesome to know that even when my burden may be heavy, I can learn from the Word and lean on the Rock!

*Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the writing of this blog post or in the going on vacay. Cassie had plenty of food and water to last her an entire week. Her grandmother, aka my mother in law, even came by to play with her and give her a treat on Saturday. Spoiled.

Dear Pregnant Woman

2010-03-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

who stands outside my building taking long drags on multiple cigarettes through out the day,

Really?!?!?!

You should be smacked!

Any volunteers?

And Then There's Hope

2010-03-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hope. Such a great word. And used so frequently it has almost lost its meaning.

Dictionary.com says Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

Merriam Webster online says to cherish a desire with anticipation.

The ever popular Urban Dictionary says hope ismankind's greatest weakness and greatest strength. (This was #2 by the way, you'll have to hit the link to see what #1 was)((for you Facebook fanatics kate means a girl's name for the coolest person you will ever meet. Just sayin))

Those Pansies over there give me hope. I planted them last fall and the tiny suckers are still alive in spite of all the snow and frigid temps we had this winter, which is not normal for Virginia might I add. And, might I add they really shouldn't be called Pansies. Maybe we should change it to Mighties or something more fitting for a colorful flower that survives the winter.

Take those tulips. Unlike the ~~Pansies~~ Mighties they have just now broken ground getting ready for Spring blooming. The best part, these guys sleep all fall and winter only to come back and bloom in brilliant color each and every year. They don't look like much now, but have patience my friend and I will post pictures of them later on this Spring.

So, my point. (finally, you say. Hey, I don't twist your arm to read this blog) Even though it seems that I'm in the winter right now with classes and homework and paperwork and background checks and our first Home Visit on Tuesday, I can see the Spring coming and all the blooming that comes with it. I feel like the ~~pansy~~ Mighty right now surviving a very harsh winter only to have tulips planted for a fruitful Spring. Each time I receive hand-me-down clothes or furniture, it's like I'm coming out of the frozen ground a little more. Each class I can mark off as completed, I stand a little taller. Might there be one more snow storm? I think yes, but I’m not going to let it destroy the Hope I’ve got.

More on the Home visit later this week so stay tuned. Also a trip to Atlantic City for A-10 tournament fun. Go Spiders!

PS I am obviously having picture posting issues, so someone smarter than me, please teach me how to post pictures where I want them to be! Please?

What if God Used Sticky Notes?

2010-03-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

My mom gave me the desk calendar pictured to the right for Christmas this year. The note for today goes like this:

Just because you don't see anything coming up doesn't mean there's nothing happening!

Love,

God

The Lord does not see as man sees. 1 Samuel 16:17

Wouldn't it be awesome if God really did use sticky notes? Talk about receiving a sign!

I personally love sticky notes. I use several different sizes at work depending on how long the note will be to a client or to my boss. Mostly my boss gets the big ones.

Jason and I have started using sticky notes to leave messages to each other. Love notes actually. So I guess they would be called Sticky Love Notes. Should I get a patent? Anyway, most of the time they are simple I love you's or even simpler, I <3>

The best thing about sticky notes is there isn't a lot of room on them so you don't really have to write a whole of stuff. You can get straight to the point of your note with only a few words or a simple phrase.

So, I challenge you to go out and buy a pack of sticky notes. (or swipe one or two from work. they can be reused) Come back here and tattle on where you left it, what you said, and if your spouse mentioned it. Remember that even if he doesn't mention that he got it, he appreciates it. Next week, I will post your notes and the results with your permission of course.

My First Shower Gift!

2010-02-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

I know ya'll have been reading a lot, so this post is photos. Yay! Below you will see my first Shower gift from a dear friend from church who is not able to attend my shower due to a trip to visit with her husband who is stationed in Miami. Thank you so much, Dawn.

These next two photos are of the kid's room before it will be the kid's room. That pack and play you see was bought last Spring as we have friends who come over every week for games and needed somewhere to put their little girl to sleep. I just never put it away from Friday night.
This is Jason's old desk covered in junk as you can see. We bought him a new desk that will be moved into our bedroom as soon as this lazy girl gets her act together and puts it together.
Notice I did not show you the closet? Yeah, more stuff we need to either get rid of, or move into another room/closet to be stored. Jason is also getting a bigger shed for out back, so some of the stuff will be stored out there.

More pictures will come as we make adjustments and get ready for our first placement hopefully this Spring or Summer.

PRIDE Training Week 3

2010-02-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

This week's PRIDE training class was all about attachment and how abuse (neglect, physical, sexual, and psychological) can affect attachment both with the birthparents and with the foster parents. The discussion really opened my eyes to why foster kids behave the way they do sometimes and also why they can't be disciplined in the same way as biological children. More on that later though as our next class is focused on appropriate discipline.

We also received a checklist of all the paperwork that needs to be completed before we finish our classes:

Application
Sworn Statement for Foster Parents and
National Background Check
Central Registry Check
Medical Exam
TB Screening for all household memebers
DMV Driving Record (ordered)
3 References (mailed)
Financial Statement and W-2s
Copy of Marriage Certificate
Fire/Safety Plan
PRIDE training for both parents
Signed Corporal Punishment Statement
Signed Statement of Confidentiality
Foster Parent Rights and Responsibilities
Foster Parent Handbook
Completed all PRIDE Connections homework

I will keep this list on the right side of my blog updating the list as things get completed so you can keep tabs on where we are in completing the paperwork.

In addition to all this paperwork, we will have three home visits that will complete the Home Study portion of our training. I am waiting on a call any day now to set up the first appointment.

PS Those of you have our reference paperwork, please do it fast and send it back. If not, I will hunt you down!

Foolishness

2010-02-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

A very dear friend took me to Target last night to help me finish my registry. After a bottle of wine no less, so I really should go online today just to double check what we scanned.

I considered registering for breast pads.

Just to see what people would say.

Foster Parent Training Class Week 2

2010-02-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

This is hard. This week's class was hard. Very hard. It took all my strength not to cry for the last hour of class. There are some harsh realities I'm not so sure I was ready to face. I want to be a mom. Not a half-mom or a quasi-mom. A mom. It's all I've wanted for as long as I can remember.

Being a foster mom is not being a mom really. We will have to get consent from the birthparents (BP) for everything from hair cuts to getting them treated at a hospital- God forbid they ever need it. If the children regularly attend a church or synagogue, it is suggested that we take them to the one the BPs want us to. I love my church and don't want to leave it just to take our foster kids to the church where their parents attend, if this happens in the first place, really.

I know this post is selfish, but it's reality. I can't help it. And let's face it, I think we're all a bit selfish when it comes down to it.

Today, we had Salvation Army come to pick up two pieces of furniture that we have been meaning to get rid of for a while now. The study-soon-to-be-kids-room is so empty now with just a computer desk and file cabinet. It kind of makes things more real for me, like we're getting close to becoming parents.

Friday night our pregnant friends came over for dinner. One girl looks as though she could have her little boy at any second and it took all the self control I have (which, let's face it isn't a lot) to not walk in front of her with my arms under her crouch waiting for the baby to drop out. So, we watched 24; two weeks worth. (Lolo, no scolding here- we've been busy. But you were right. Two VERY good episodes) And, I found myself staring at this girls' belly a lot. Like, trying to see if I could see the baby move or something. Every time I caught myself, I was so glad she didn't see.

Remember when you were a kid and you wanted that cabbage patch kid so bad? You wrote an extremely long letter to Santa reminding him of how good you'd been that year. You did all your chores and told your parents you didn't need your allowance that week. You came home from school and completed all your homework before mom had to ask if you'd finish. You ate all your vegetables. You didn't pick on your younger sibling. at. all. You didn't argue when mom or dad asked you to do something.

Yeah, that's what this is like. I wish there were some bargain I could make with God that would make it possible for me to get knocked up. I would do anything. I would even give up wine. GASP! Well, almost anything.

PS I know it took me a while to post this, but I've been having issues with pictures and was trying to fix it.

There Are Rumors

2010-02-11T05:51:00.001-08:00

that I'm a ...

Here are the rules for the award:

Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

Copy the award and paste it to your blog.

Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.

Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

I received this award from Jess over at A Place to Start where she tells her story of baby making, loss, and hope. Thanks for thinking of me, girl!

7 Interesting Facts About Myself

I'm the only red head in my family. My mom had blond hair, dad is a brunette, and my sister is strawberry.

My first concert ever and the last concert I went to was New Kids on the Block with the girls I grew up with. Both times. Or What!?!?!?

I love to read. I read every night before I go to sleep. It helps me to get the thoughts about the day out of my head so I fall alseep faster.

I was engaged once before. I was young and stupid actually. Only 20 at the time. And, then I grew up.

When I first met Jason, I asked him what happened that he now needed a chair to get around. I could tell he wasn't "born that way".

I have never been west of the Mississippi River. Not once. Hopefully that will change in the neat future.

I never thought I'd be the type of person to have a blog. I don't like to write.

7 Bloggers That I Love

Jennifer at In the Middle. She's my bestie in the Midwestie.
M at Hurdles of Life. She and I are trudging through this foster mom mud at the same pace.
JrzyMeeba1 at Hope for Hunter. She chronicles the trials and tribulations of being a NICU mom.
Heather at Party of 5. The story of adopting twin boys from Haiti and especially now- their reactions to the devastating earth quake over four weeks ago.
Lolo at The Little Things. Her story of hope, from across the country.
LOVEDBYD at Our Journey to making our own Hockey Team. My Canadian friend.
Cathy at My Eggs and Ham (sorry, it's private). She got knocked up!

I've Got Homework Already!

2010-02-09T04:46:00.000-08:00

See this book? That's 3 inches of stuff I'm going to learn in the next nine weeks. Daunting isn't it?

Our first class went very well with introductions all around the room. J and I are 1 of the 2 couples who are going into this fostering thing without any children of our own. There are a few families who are taking these classes in order to foster a family member. We also watched a video of a (perfect) foster family where there were two children in the home. One teenager and one child probably around 6 or 7 years old. At one point, the mom is telling the younger son that its time for dinner and he turns around and says he's not hungry, "bitch". I had my back turned to J, but I could feel his eyes get huge and bulge out of his head. Mom did exactly was she should have done and addressed the real issue at hand, not the fact that he called her a bitch. I can only hope I have that same level of patience. Ya'll start praying now, cause I'll need it!

I wasn't expecting a foster mom to be in on the training, but it was nice to hear the story of her family; they have 4 kids and are into the adoption phaze with 2 of them right now.

One thing that struck me was that we could possibly have a child/children for a long time and then they could go back to their birthparents. And, by long time, I mean at least a year. I didn't count on loosing children once they were placed with us. I mean, we're doing the foster/adopt thing, so that doesn't pertain to us, right? WRONG! There's a reason foster comes first in foster/adopt.

And what's up with the homework idea? I haven't had homework for 10 years now. Since I was in college. The only good thing about the homework is that we each have to do it and turn it in . J can't cheat off mine. HA!

Disaster!

2010-02-08T10:40:00.000-08:00

First foster parent training class tonight.

And, no wine.

What's a girl to do?

I'm sorry

2010-02-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

You know, I've apologized for a lot of things in my life. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes. Upon realizing that I've made a mistake and potentially hurt someone I love I make amends, no matter what that may look like. It could be a card in the mail because the person on the other end of my ass-headedness is too far of a drive. It could be a heart-felt "I'm sorry" and a hug. If you're J, it's an I'm sorry and hopefully a romp in the sack before the day is out. It could be your favorite cupcake from a specialty bakery (OK, this isn't mine, but it did happen to me when I was the one that had been hurt).

I've never felt the need to apologize for something that wasn't my fault or for something that was out of my control until yesterday. I apologized to my mother for not being able to give her the biological (possibly red-headed) grandchilden I'm sure she so desperately wanted. Don't get me wrong, I know mom is very excited for what is happening in our lives and supports us to the Nth degree. But she just wants life to be easy for me. She wanted me to experience pregnancy- all the aches and pains that go with it, too. She wanted me to experience breast feeding because she knew I'd be better at it than she was. She wanted to see the look on my face when I held my baby for the first time.

I explained to her that if my life was easy, I wouldn't have the relationship with God that I have and so desperately need. I haven't always chosen to do what He asks, or follow the path He has marked for me, but in the last 10 or so years, I have. And what a difference! A year in Belize serving those (who appear to be) less fortunate than I. Teaching first grade for two years at a great school. Marrying the man I truly love. And now, having a family (not the way I wanted, but I'm still having a family, right?)

So, after some tears and hugs and lots of wine (Duh!) I think she understands why J and chose to be foster parents. She thinks J is being selfish by not wanting to do the whole donor sperm thing, but I assured her it was OUR decision, not his alone. I told her that this is what God wants us to do and He knows how badly I want to have a baby. I have to trust that He will bless me. Otherwise, there's nothing.

So mom, I'm sorry if I dissapointed you but this is out of my hands. I love you.

McFatty Monday- Week 6

2010-02-04T09:31:00.000-08:00

Check out that ticker, would you? Just when I was thinking this weight-loss thing is for the birds, I loose a few more pounds. It gave me the motivation to look for some more recipes so J and I aren't eating the same thing every day, too. I ended up with 19 great recipes that include casseroles, crockpot stuff, and some breakfast things that can be cooked ahead of time, and then heated in the microwave when we want them. I got most of these great creations here.

I have also decided that being snowed in and the Super Bowl is not good for my diet. at. all. But, I'm back on the wagon and feeling great.

Blair asks what my end goal is. End goal? This:

For realz, though by the end of 2010, I want to be around 135 pounds. That would be about 1.4 pounds per week which is totally doable if you ask me. I really don't have any small goals, just to keep loosing every week but if I go one week without losing anything, that's OK. I just get back on the wagon next week. If I'm too hard on myself and I miss small goals, I will give up completely and I can't do that this time. I won't do that this time.

I have also come to the conclusion that exercise is a must. I can't wait for the snow to melt and the weather to get warmer so I can start walking in the mornings like I used to do. And, wouldn't it be great if there was a stroller to push as well? *sigh*

The Road Less Traveled

2010-02-04T08:37:00.001-08:00

After our very first ever foster parent training class was canceled due to snow, I was feeling pretty down about the entire process. I guess having dinner with three, yes 3 pregnant women doesn't help, either, but a great friend of mine has offered to throw me a shower. I mean is there such a thing? What would you call it? The Yay, I'm a Foster Parent Shower? How about the I may not be getting a baby, but what the hell shower?

So, I trotted my ever so slowly shrinking ass on over to Target.com to check things out. The options were: Baby Registry, Club Wed, or Target List. I created a Target list since there is no guarantee that Jason and I will be receiving an infant. Although, if God took bribes this would be the area I would focus on. But that is a totally different post that is hopefully coming soon. I also registered at Kohls.com since they have a great selection of kids clothes and they are always running a sale, so I figured that my shower invitees could go there and get a great deal. Plus that means more for the K-bombs, right?

Then the question is: What do we register for? How do we prepare for children ages 0-5 years? And you think you have a lot on your plate. I started with twin bed sheets and crib sheets. That's as far as I got. I'm also thinking pajamas, socks, toothbrushes, children's medicine, diapers of every size, underwear, bottles, sippy cups, some bath toys maybe, baby blankets, onesies... The list could go on and on but you get the idea. Is there something you would definitely register for if you were my situation? By all means, leave a comment. Plus, I need to know people are still reading this stupid thing.

Needless to say, I am so excited about the upcoming shower festivities! And, the best part: no stupid games. No measuring my belly, no eating baby food (maybe I should register for some of that), no smelling a diaper, and no baby word games, either.

If I had my choice, we'd all have margaritas to celebrate my entrance into motherhood.

McFatty Monday- Week 5

2010-01-27T12:06:00.001-08:00

OK, so I've learned that I love to eat. No really. What do I do when I'm bored? Eat. When I watch TV? When I'm driving? When I'm sitting at my desk at work? Eat Eat Eat. All. The. Time. This has got to stop and WW is helping me to see that I can't eat all the time and still expect to loose weight. (At I'm not a smoker, huh?) I have no idea why I do this, but I've got to find something to take the place of it, so I'm thinking of trying (again) to teach myself how to crochet. Now, this will not be going on while I'm driving, primarily while I'm watching TV in the evening which is the hardest time of day for me. YouTube was very helpful the first time around, plus I have a friend that crochets so maybe I can bribe her pregnant self to help barren little ole' me.

It's very important to me that J and get into better eating habits now since it will be easier for us while we're without kids. I can't imagine trying to do this weight-loss-eating-healthy-exercising thing in the midst of receiving kids for the first time. And, Jason is very supportive. As a matter of fact, earlier this week when I wanted to scrap everything and head over to Olive Garden for some pasta, steak, and Alfredo sauce with a side of vino, he held his own and firmly said no. Even though I was on my knees. I know, right?!?! Hold it together!

I'm about to tell the Hershey kisses my boss placed in our office to go to hell, too. They stare me in the eye all day long. Even though I have to turn my chair all the way around to even see them. I'm thinking maybe I need to pick up some sugar free sweets to bring in my lunch every day so I can settle the sweet tooth that seems to over-take me every afternoon after lunch.

Successes so Far:

No soda or fast food since 12/31/09
I drink all (if not more) of my water every day now

Lots of new recipes obtained

Things to work on:

I've come to the understanding that in order to lose weight I will need to exercise. As soon as the snow melts, I promise.
Tasting while I'm cooking dinner.
Hershey kisses after lunch courtesy of the bossman.

Blair wrote about how she was stuck in the house all weekend due to snow. I, unfortunately, was unlucky enough to also be stuck in the house due to 10.5 inches of the white stuff and cheat I did. I drank a whole bottle of wine over the course of the weekend and did not count points at all. I will not, however let it ruin my week. Onward and downward (on the scale)!

Waiting

2010-01-27T07:24:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me the other day if J and I were ready to be foster parents and all that it includes. She was refering to the possible emotional struggles we will go through. I looked her in the eye and contemplated and encouraging "Yes, of course we're ready." But instead, I was honest. "No, we aren't, but we're on the road that God wants us to be on and that's what matters. He'll take care of the small stuff." The small stuff being my heart I guess.

How am I supposed to guard my heart from falling head over heals in love with the children God brings into our home and at the same time, love the same children like they've probably never been loved before? Small stuff.

How do we prepare for small children of any age? What do we buy ahead of time and what can wait? Small stuff.

What is our new life going to look like and how will we handle potential weekly birthparent visits? Small stuff.

How do I prepare my heart for dissapointment when we aren't placed with an infant? Is that selfish? I can't help it. I've wanted to be the best mother I can be for as long as I can remember. Small stuff.

What helps is this:

When no one else could get Dakota to sleep, my husband could. He just sat and rocked with her and talked to her quietly while the rest of us watched Jack bring the shizit down on 24. So glad one of us is not anxious about becoming an insta-family in a few weeks.

So, now I wait. I have questions and lists of things to do that keeps me up at night and my mind occupied at work, but I wait. Because that's all I can do right now. Actually, I think I'm getting pretty good at waiting if you ask me.

Just for Fun

2010-01-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

99 Things (copied from Mrs Bro)

This list is just for fun, seen on some other blogs... Bold the things you’ve done and post on your blog!
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child (I'm working on this one!)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

McFatty Monday- Week 4

2010-01-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

I lost a pound last week. Yay!

J and I stuck to the WW ritual of writing down everything we eat and only eating the allotted number of points in a given day for Monday through Thursday. I know, I know, if I don't follow the plan, how do I expect to loose any weight? Well, Friday was 24 night and also pizza night, then we went to DC for the day on Saturday and ate at Ikea. I mean, Ikea. You have to at least try the meatballs, right? No, my caesar salad with the dressing on the side was delish as a matter of fact. And, I even dipped my fork instead of pouring on the goodness. Sunday, we had all the best intentions of going home to eat leftover pizza for lunch, but got invited out with some friends. We didn't do too horribly bad, although I'm sure J's burger wasn't in the point range. Oh well; it's a new week so we get to start over fresh. This is going to be harder than I thought.

Goals for this week:

Stick to the point values for each day!

Try out a few new recipes (I will post them next week)

Continue to drink all my water every day

Only one margharita when I go for Mexican food with a friend on Thursday.

Giveaway Time (I Love Freebies!)

2010-01-21T15:32:00.000-08:00

Are you trying to use coupons to save money? Having a hard time staying organized with all those inserts and clippings?

Then, head on over to Frugal Coupon Living for a great giveaway that will help you to save money and keep all those coupons organized.

Haitian Relief at Our House?

2010-01-20T06:50:00.001-08:00

I think I've lost my mind. Or God has lost His.

A really good friend of mine called this morning to let me know she had learned that Catholic Charities here in Richmond is looking for homes for Haitian children who have been displaced by the horrible earth quake 8 days ago. Now, I'm hearing this information third hand, but it comes from reliable sources. I know there were some 53 children whose orphanage collapsed in the quake that were brought to PA a few days ago, but these children have already been matched with adoptive families and were only waiting on the legal crap to be handled at the time of the earth quake. There were only 7 children who had not been matched with an American family on that plane.

But, there is a rescue operation in the works that could potentially bring hundreds or thousands of displaced Haitian children here to the US. You can read the article from the Miami Herald here and one from the China Daily here. "Operation Pierre Pan" is set in motion but may take weeks in implement making sure that children are really orphaned and there isn't a relative in Haiti that would take them.

I've already sent J an email at work asking what he thought of possibly taking in some refugee children if the opportunity presented itself. I know I'm probably jumping the gun on this one, but it's better to already have it in my brain that it's a possibility. Plus, it will give J and I time to pray on it and talk everything out, and do research.

So, here's when I ask you for a favor. Please pray with J and I as we consider adopting from Haiti if the government does what it says its going to do. Pray for clarity and discernment in our decision making. Pray, too that if this is what God wants us to do, He uses a large neon sign to let us know.

Just in Time for the Emmys!

2010-01-19T10:27:00.000-08:00

My first award! I'd like to thank the academy, my family, my wonderful husband for standing by me even when I'm crying so hard he can't understand what I'm trying to say. And, none of this would not be possible without God. He gets all the credit for my life since He is the one who gave it to me in the first place.

Thank you, Mrs Pink Pearls and Lolo for bestowing this very thoughtful award to me.

And now, the rules:

List 10 things that make me happy
Nominate 10 bloggers that make my day a little brighter

I think I can handle that!

10 Things That Make Me Happy

My husband, Jason, the love of my life
A good pedicure
Game Night with friends
Going to the New Kids on the Block Concert as full-on adults (Booya!)
A nice glass of pinot after work
Grilling in the summer time
Vacation anywhere
Cassie
Free anything (especially if it was really expensive)
A good book (you can check out what I'm currently reading to the right)

10 Bloggers That Make My Day

Blair- You are hysterical!
JerzyMeeba1- I have been praying for you and your family since the birth of your boys. You have amazing courage for blogging about your experience. Thank you!
Kismet- When J and I were looking into IVF as as option to get knocked up, I sat at work one afternoon and read through ALL your posts about your journey. And, now I enjoy reading about your dear little girl.
Lauren- A friend led me to your blog and I have enjoyed reading about your journey to adoption.
Cathy- You have always had something nice and encouraging to say to me. Thanks!
Heather (Party of Five)- I enjoy reading your blog and learning about what it is like to have a blended family.
Heather- You have always been encouraging and even when things in your world may not be so great.
Kate - I have following your journey through loss and then adoption.

McFatty Monday (on Tuesday)- Week 3

2010-01-18T06:40:00.001-08:00

Even though I celebrated my birthday in week 2, it was not a total loss! I kept to my goals and feel like it was a success even though I lost no weight. I ramped up my water intake (and peed like every 10 minutes), I kept us to our pre-planned menue for the week, and I even made sure to monitor the amount of food we are eating when we go out. So, Week 2= Success!

On to Week 3

Hurdles this week:

(another)Birthday dinner out on Wednesday for Japanese food. I will have to search the interwebs for WW points values to at least try to stay on track.

Friday we are ordering pizza with friends. Now pizza is one of those things that I can just eat a lot of. No matter what. I know that one slice of The Works from Papa Johns will cost me 7 points. But if I only get a slice of cheese, it will only cost me 6 points. But, pizza is so damn good! I will suffer through for the cause.

Goals this week:

Stick to my WW points for the week No. Matter. What!

Keep drinking the water. I took ya'lls advice and got some Crystal Light packets for work, and let me tell you they rock my world! I have a big water bottle for the afternoon, so I take one of those packets and dump it in there. My water is gone before I even leave to go home in the evening. Thanks for the suggestions!

Workout? Nah. I've got to save something for next week.

The Big Questions

2010-01-15T07:24:00.000-08:00

This post is an article found at Adoptive Families.

Between the ages of six and eight, children begin to understand adoption in a more sophisticated way--and will pose some questions you may have a hard time answering. AF takes a look at what's going on in the school-age child's mind, and offers advice for talking.
By JoAnne Solchany, Ph.D., ARNP

You've probably told your child his story from a very young age. As a toddler, he picked up on your cheerful tone when you talked about adoption. In early childhood, children generally accept adoption as a happy, positive family narrative. By the preschool years, your child may have learned his story verbatim, and loved to chime in when you recited the tale. Even so, he probably understood few of the words or concepts being used.

Between the ages of six and eight, children make substantial cognitive gains. This is the age when children begin to understand the difference between reality and fantasy, gain a greater capacity for logical thought, and start to see things from others' perspectives. These developmental advances allow children to understand adoption in a new way. What does this lead to? For many of our kids, lots of questions. Other children may never voice the questions, but tantrums, testing of our limits, periods of regression, or other behaviors indicate that they're mulling something big beneath the surface.

As parents, we may be overwhelmed by this new round of questions and surprising behaviors. Some will seem to indicate that our child is sad or grieving. We worry about saying the wrong thing or giving him information that will cause him to worry. Often, we're at a loss because we simply don't know the answers.

Here are four developmental tasks--and the resulting questions and behaviors--that are typical of this age.

Awareness of the "other" family
During the preschool years, children tend to think of family as the people who live together in a house. But they soon begin to understand the concept of cousins, grandmothers, and extended family. When they start school, and their world broadens further, they realize that families are formed in different ways, and that most children live with their birth families. This awareness leads to a more profound understanding of adoption.

Six- to eight-year-olds realize that, in order to have joined their present families, they lost their first families. And that their birth families are living somewhere else in the country or the world. Children may ask a lot of questions as they seek to solidify this fact. Tracy Wachtman, of Defiance, Ohio, reports that her daughter "has started to process the fact that she has birth siblings in Belarus. She asks a lot of ‘what are they doing right now?' questions."

The understanding that they have separate adoptive and birthparents often leads children to "compare" the two--even if they never knew their birthparents. Cindy, of Madison, Wisconsin, is very familiar with the kind of comments that result from what she calls the "Disneyland birthmom phase": "My birthmother would let me stay up later" or "My birthmother would let me have whatever I wanted." She's learned to "ride them out" and to bring up adoption when her daughter isn't upset.

Needing to know "why"
At a younger age, children can't conceive of others' points of view. During the school years, this "egocentrism" begins to fade and children move beyond their immediate thoughts and impressions. At the same time, they're able to connect actions with thoughts and feelings in their minds. Thus, they begin to consider not just the process of adoption, but why their birthparents did what they did, what they were thinking, and how they might have felt.

"My daughter, adopted at 16 months, didn't talk about adoption until age six, but it was clear that she'd been processing it," says Jenna Rugile, of East Northport, New York. "All of a sudden, she began asking questions like, ‘Why did my mommy give me up? Was I bad?' She also began throwing tantrums and testing our limits."

Rugile's experience is hardly unusual; wanting to know "why" a birthparent made an adoption plan is the biggest question for many children during this stage. Rugile and her husband eventually decided to seek help from an adoption therapist. She describes a recent "breakthrough" moment: "After a tantrum, and many tears and sobs, my daughter said, ‘Maybe I get so angry because I have a boo-boo inside from when I was left.' I responded, ‘Yes, I think that's true,' and reassured her that we are here for her and can talk about anything whenever she needs to talk."

School-age children are capable of logical thought, and want to "problem-solve" and come up with answers. If you explain poverty, youth, or other circumstances that can lead to adoption plans, your child may ask, "Why couldn't someone give her some money, so she could take care of me?" or "Why couldn't someone teach her how to be a better mommy?" Encourage your child's thoughts, while explaining that you don't know all of the circumstances surrounding her birthparents' adoption plan: "That's a good suggestion, but we didn't know your birthmother. We do know that she made this decision because she felt it would give you a better life."

Separating fantasy from reality
Until the years of middle childhood, fantasy plays a huge role in a child's life. Fantasy is gradually replaced by rules and routines. This change can be seen in a child's play, as pretend-play gives way to games with rules and structure.

And because six- to eight-year-olds can now tell fantasy from reality, they have a strong desire to know "what is real." When it comes to adoption, they want more information on how they came to be, what happened to their birthparents, and, especially, why their birthparents could not take care of them.

The adoption story you've told so far is probably a simple framework. Now's the time to add in all the details you know. "When our son was about six, he asked a lot of questions about his first mom. What was her name? Did he have brothers or sisters? What are their names? Why didn't he live with her? What was his name before he was adopted?" says Michelle Oxman, of Evanston, Illinois. "We were still in touch with his birthmom at the time, and I think that helped. I'd talk with him about the letters we sent her. Once she sent a picture of herself, and he hugged it to his heart."

As Oxman found, children this age respond to concrete information. Share any photos or letters that you have, or pull out the passport your child used when you traveled home to the U.S., or the decree that made his adoption final in your state's court.

Parents may worry if they lack specific information, but you can explain what probably happened: "We don't know why your birthmother couldn't raise you, but babies need lots of things to grow up to be strong and healthy. She may have realized that she couldn't provide everything you needed, and decided to find a family who could."

Fears about permanence
Children in this age group are moving on to bigger classrooms, to real academic work, and to more complex peer interaction on the playground. And they must function independently for longer periods on school days.

These transitions can cause anxiety that surfaces in questions such as, "If my birthmom gave me away, will you give me away, too?" or "What happened to my birthparents?" Children may relate such fears to circumstances within your family: "If Daddy loses his job, will you give me away?" "If I am bad, will you have to send me back?"

It's important to explain to your child that adoption is always an adult decision, and it never has anything to do with the child or her behavior. Stress that her birthparents could not care for any baby at the time. End every discussion by reassuring your child that adoption is forever--and that you're open to talking about the subject any time she wants to. Just as these weren't the first adoption conversations you had with your child, they'll be far from the last.

Words you can use
Kids ask tough questions at this age. Here are some typical queries, sample language you can adapt, and messages you want to send during the exchange.

Q: Why didn't my mother want me?
A: Your birthmother wanted you to have the best home and family. She knew she would not be able to give that to you, so we adopted you!
Objective: Reinforce the desire to give your child a good life.

Q: How come they didn't like me?
A: I believe your birthparents loved you very much, which is why they wanted you to be adopted. They were not ready to be a mom or dad yet, and they wanted the best family for you!
Objective: Explain how hard decisions can be made out of love.

Q: What's my birthmother's name? What does she look like?
A: Her name is __. I have a photo of her. Would you like to see it?
Objective: Parents who adopt domestically often have a letter, a photo, or met the birthmother at the time of the adoption, but may wait for--and worry about--the "right time" to share. Often, knowing what a birthparent looks like is enough to satisfy a curious seven-year-old. If your child asks, and you are comfortable, share some of this concrete information.

Q: If you were my birthmother, would you have kept me?
A: Wow, that is a big question…. Your birthmom had to make a very difficult decision that I will never have to make. You are my son and we are a family, and nothing will ever change that.
Objective: Although you probably feel the urge to "support" the birthmom, what's most important at this age is to cement the current relationship as lasting "forever."

Q: Did I have a father, too?
A: Yes, you do have a birthfather. Have you been thinking about him?
Objective: Even if you included the birthfather in your earlier adoption talks (and you should have!), children may not think or ask about him until this stage. Open up the discussion.

Q: Why couldn't she go to school to learn to be a mommy?
A: Some women are not ready to be mommies, and they want their child to be with another mommy who is ready. Your birthmommy was wise enough to know that she was not ready to be a mom, so she made the decision to have someone else raise you.
Objective: Encourage thinking and processing. "What ifs" are a good way to help your child explore his thoughts.

Q: Is my birthmother dead?
A: What makes you think that?
Objective: It is OK to say you don't know, but it is more important to explore your child's feelings and the fantasies. These are normal issues that need to be addressed.

JoAnne Solchany, Ph.D., ARNP, is the mother of two adopted children. She practices in the greater Seattle area.

Talking Tips
There is no "best way" to deal with your child's desire for information. However, it's helpful to keep these guidelines in mind.

1.Follow your child's lead. Take it one question at a time and allow your discussions to unfold naturally.
2.If you don't know an answer, admit it. If you're giving your child your best guess, make this clear by using a phrase like "Probably" or "I think." Then, ask your child what he thinks.
3.Support your child's emotions--she may be mad, sad, or indifferent. All of which are normal and OK.
4.Take advantage of "parallel conversation" situations, like riding in the car, walking the dog, or cuddling on the couch--any time when direct eye contact can be avoided and discussion can flow.
5.Encourage your child to put his feelings about his birthmother to paper. Give him a journal in which to record his thoughts, or suggest that he write a hypothetical letter. Offer to hold the letter in a special place for now. For many children, simply putting the words to paper is therapeutic.
6.Wonder with her. Ask what she imagines her birthmother is like.

Couponista...............almost

2010-01-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

So, I've been trying to save money and cut corners when I can these days since we are planning on buying a lot of kid stuff in the next few months to get ready to foster.

I have to brag. I went Krogering last night and spent $33.26. I saved $29.89. That's 48%! 48% Holy crap.

And, I rented a movie from Redbox for FREE using this coupon code: BREAKROOM

Next weeks' goal: save 50%

ETA This girl's blog is the Bible of couponing! Check it out every day.

McFatty Monday

2010-01-11T06:21:00.000-08:00

Last week went pretty well by my standards, I guess. J and I stood by our menu I'd made for the week except for one night when he came home and screamed, "Must have wings!" So, off to BW3's we went only to find it PACKED with football fans. Mexican never tasted so good!

My main struggle this week was drinking enough water. Not sure why I'm rebelling against it, especially when my lips are dry and flaky all the time. I mean, there's even a water bottle that sits on my desk all day long. And, yes it's got water in it people. The problem is that it remains full for most of the day. Any tips on getting the water in through out the day would be greatly appreciated!

Even though J and ate only from our menu, we ate way too much. I feel this is why we've both packed on the pounds since we've been married. But, Kate, you say. It's not entirely your fault. To which I reply: Um, yes it is! J can't fix his own food. I fix it all. So, yes it is my fault. I take full responsibility for making way too much food for two people to eat. And, how can I refuse the man when he asks for more? Knowing full well there is a lot more macaroni and cheese left in the pot to be eaten, I can't bat my eyelashes sweetly and tell him there isn't any more. He'll drive his chair right over to the stove to check out said pan.

So, my goals for this week are to not only follow our menu, but also make less and eat less. Also to drink water. 6 cups per day. I need to pee already.

Plumbers and Life Changers

2010-01-09T05:20:00.000-08:00

After plunging, yes plunging the garbage disposal clear of potato skins and actually vacuuming the house myself (Gasp!), everything was ready for the social worker to come over to see the house and get to know the Blackwells a little better. I raced home from work on Thursday evening in time to light some candles and warn Cassie that she better be on her best behavior before *Kathy (names have been changed for privacy, people) arrived prompty at 5:30. I had put some coffee on so I'd have something to offer our guest, but really I wish it had been shots of tequila to calm my nerves. But, whatever.

So Kathy asked us if we had any questions for her to start out with, but we wanted her to explain more about the process of fostering, so we let her go first. Basically, we will start our PRIDE classes February 1st and attend those on Monday nights through March 29th. Simultaneously, we will be completing our Home study where Kathy or someone else from the agency comes out to our house to interview us and talk more in depth about us and what our expectations are. We will also need to get a background check, have physicals (this is new), and also get our home ready to welcome kids. While it probably won't happen, there have been cases where people have gotten a placement before the classes are finished because their paper work was complete and there was a good match. So, while J and I aim to have the kids' room(s) complete by the end of March, we are keeping it in the backs of our heads that it could be earlier.

I gave a tour of our amazing clean home and she only had questions about the gun safe and whether or not the ammo can be kept in the same place as the guns. Of course, the guns have be stored unloaded and locked up, but we knew that and that's they we keep them anyway.

We found out we are alowed to take the kids on vacations with us and let friends and family babysit, too. This is was one of our questions that we wanted to talk to Kathy anyway, so I'm glad we didn't forget to ask.

One of the things that our county is doing a little differently than most when it comes to birth parents (BP) and foster parents (FP) is they are encouraging interaction away from the agency. At first, the weekly visitations with the BPs will occur at the agency with a social worker (SW) present. Eventually, the agency would like to see the visitations take place outside the agency and at a place that is convenient to both BPs and FPs. They encouragement this kind of interaction because they have seen BPs get their act together with the help of FP's encouragement and maybe a little teaching as well. This rocks because while the goal of the agency is to keep the child's best interest in mind, they would really like to see reunification of the birth family if it's possible.

The one thing Kathy kept saying is the importance of flexibility. One of the things we will do in class is look at our life and how much we've got in it. Once we get a placement we're adding weekly visitations, doctor appointments, leaving earlier for work to take the kids to daycare, etc.

Our life with change. Well, duh. But isn't that what we wanted in the first place, only the other way around?

Satan Sucks

2010-01-06T05:39:00.000-08:00

I really don't like giving this guy credit. I feel like if I even acknowledge that he is doing something in my life is to give him credit, so I tend to not even think about him. Although, if he is trying to do things in my life, that means God thinks whatever I'm trying to accomplish is awesome!

We have our first home meeting with a social worker from the Department of Social Services coming to the house on Thursday after work. I know she won't bring a white glove with her to check out how clean my house is, but I really would like it to be presentable, you know?

Issue #1: After changing out and cleaning the Roomba over the weekend, it's not working. Now aside from J, the Roomba has been my best friend for the last 2 and half years. It never lets me down, is always ready go when I need something, and best of all it vacuums the house while I'm at work! Jealous?

Issue #2: While making dinner for tonight, the garbage disposal clogged and I don't know the first thing about unclogging them.

So, I have dirty floors and a green smelly water sitting in my kitchen sink. Nice!

Please enjoy this video I found on Youtube of a cat riding on a Roomba. Hilarious!

McFatty to McSkinny- the journey begins

2010-01-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

I know you think this blog is all about J and I becoming parents, but you have no idea what you're in for.

Another blogging mom, Blair, has started a campaign for 2010 to lose weight. For her, its baby weight that has yet to fall off. For me, its marriage weight, being a wife to someone with a dissability (don't hate), finding out I can't get knocked up the old fashioned way, and just plain ole' I like to eat weight.

So, every Monday I will have a McFatty Monday post where you will be updated as to my progress, goals I may have for that week, and maybe a recipe I found that was easy and delish.

My goal for this year is to lose, wait for it..............70 lbs! I know this will be hard and will take some major work on my part, but I think I'm up for the challenge as long as I don't make too many lifestyle changes at once. Like, this week I'm focusing on keeping to a schedule. I have mapped out our meals this week based on when we will be eating at home and what's in our fridge. I'm also trying to save money by couponing and not buying a bunch of groceries that we don't need. This week, I am using food that is already in the house except for the fruits and veggies, of course.

Another goal for this week is to drink more water; not necessarily the 8 cups each day, but at least more than I was drinking. And, lets not forget leaving out the soda which I have done since New Years, so 4 whole days. Yay me!

How will you do it, you ask? WW my dear. I'm not paying for it, though. I cheat and use free online resources I have googled. There are a gazillion websites overflowing with WW recipes, tips, tricks, etc. that will need to be shared, however that is for another edition of McFatty Monday.

Here's to a loosing 2010!

Squee! My first magazine came yesterday!

2010-01-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

A Year in Review

2009-12-31T07:11:00.000-08:00

J and I began this year with gustoe looking forward to building our family. We jumped each other as often as possible in the hopes that once, just once we'd get perfect timing and make a baby.

A few short months later, I would wake every morning and take my temperature to make sure we were hitting the mark with our romps in the sack. Due to health complications for J, we realize this is frustrating the shit out of us a few short months later and decide to have J's juice examined. I did actually have to take myself down to the lab one morning with the goods stuffed between my boobs for warmth. Not like this guy, though!

"No sperm" hmmm Wasn't exactly expecting to hear those words. Ever. After meeting with a urologist and giving a blood sample, it is determined that everything is working well and the surgeon should be able to get sperm from testicular tissue to use with an IVF/ICSI procedure. In October, J goes under the knife, well his balls go under the knife really and we all know where that landed us.

Two days later, I begin my research into adopting and everything it would mean for our family. We settle on foster/adopt through our county and look forward to starting the process right away in 2010.

So, J and I end this year with gustoe looking forward to building our family.

Stealing is a Sin

2009-12-29T12:08:00.000-08:00

But, I just couldn't resist this article from Adoptivefamilies.com

Adopting Infants Through Foster Care

"Adopting through foster care felt like a roller-coaster ride, but we knew that we were on the right path." By Cindy Moore

My husband and I spent three-and-a-half years in the foggy defeat of infertility before deciding to pursue adoption. We took heart in a Biblical passage, from Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." We were ready to embrace that future, and it felt as though the sun was shining again. But we had no idea where to start.

I connected with a woman in my church, who had adopted 10 children through foster care. After speaking with her, and hearing about her happy family, we knew adopting through foster care was the path for us. We chose infant/toddler adoption.

We had three options: straight adoption, "legal risk" adoption, and "foster-to-adopt." Straight adoption involved children who were legally free for adoption at the time of placement. "Legal risk" adoption involved children for whom termination of parental rights was imminent. In "foster-to-adopt," children would be placed with us if the caseworkers felt there was a high probability of termination of parental rights and adoption (as opposed to children for whom reunion with the parents was expected). But because parental rights would not have been terminated at the time of placement, we would face the painful prospect of parenting a child whom we might not ultimately adopt. Foster-to-adopt scared us, so we considered the other options.

But after our training was completed, we learned that, even though the straight adoption and legal risk programs placed children as young as six months who were legally free for adoption, infants were placed via the foster-to-adopt program almost exclusively because of the length of time required to terminate parental rights. It was when our agency's social worker told us that she routinely turned away opportunities to place infants because she didn't have enough foster-to-adopt families that we decided to accept a foster-to-adopt placement. Although the fear of losing a child we had raised from infancy was terrifying, we decided to trust God to prepare us for whatever came our way.

About eight months after we started our foster parent training, we became the proud parents (legally, the foster parents) of siblings, an active 22-month-old boy, Nathan, and a one-and-a-half-week-old baby girl, Emma. Despite the joy and excitement of becoming parents, there was the nagging fear that we wouldn't become a forever family.

For four months, we fulfilled the most difficult part of the adoption process--required weekly visits with the birth family. Every Friday, I took my babies to a dingy office, where I handed them over to their birthparents, who often appeared to be high. From the beginning, it was clear that there was little chance of their making the changes necessary to avoid termination of their parental rights. On one hand, I was thrilled to be one step closer to that piece of paper that made us legally a family. But I was also angry at them for not fighting for my little angels.

Our story has a happy ending. We finalized our adoption of Nathan and Emma in February 2007, and we brought their biological baby brother, Isaac, home on June 19, 2008, when he was a week old. Nathan is now a happy and intelligent five-year-old, whose enthusiasm for life is contagious. He has been reading since he was four, with very little instruction--once he learned the letter sounds, there was no stopping him! Emma was born five weeks premature, with three different drugs in her system. Though still very petite, she is developmentally on target. She is a complete princess, but she also loves to catch (and kiss) frogs! Emma displays some attention problems, and we are evaluating her to see whether this is age-related or whether, given her drug exposure, she might have ADHD, as Nathan does. Isaac is a thriving one-year-old today. He never stops moving and exploring!

Both Nathan and Emma understand that they all grew in the same tummy. We have been honest, explaining that, although their birthparents love them, they made very bad choices and were not able to take care of them. We are blessed to see the paternal grandparents regularly, and we have limited contact with the birthmother.

God does indeed have a plan for our lives, and I hate to think of what we may have missed if we hadn't been willing to follow it.

Cindy Moore writes about being a mom and her family's journey through the foster system on her blog, myebenezer.net.

God knows my heart, ya'll! Be on the lookout for more great articles from Adoptive Families and yours truly,

Okla. Couple Fights to Give Back Adopted Son - They say he's violent and needs more help than they can offer

2009-12-24T11:40:00.000-08:00

Okla. Couple Fights to Give Back Adopted Son - They say he's violent and needs more help than they can offer

So, my computer went nutso before I could comment on this video, so I will do so today. Although I don't really know where to begin. I see where the "parents" (and I use that term loosely) are coming from in a sense because the state of OK should have given them more information as to the boy's past and family background. OK should also be giving the "parents" more support right now. Of course, they very well could be, and we just aren't hearing about it.

But, on the other hand, I also see where the state of OK is coming from. Adoption is final. Children don't come with a receipt. There is no return policy. Ever.

So, how does this apply to our situation? Um, for starters, I'm hoping J and I aren't so naive when we are called with our first placement and ask all the right questions to get the most information we can. Secondly, I will make sure to keep my receipt so when things get rough, I can return or exchange for a better model.

*insert eyeroll here*

2009-12-22T07:42:00.000-08:00

I just got the call that made my holidays a little brighter!

Just when I was getting a little depressed about not being a mommy around the holidays and no gifts for kids under our tree, the SW from DSS calls to see if we have any questions from the informational meeting last week. My only question: When can we start?

Well, we will start on January 7th at our first home visit. Squee!

This visit will last approximately one to two hours. The SW will come to our house to make sure it is safe and that we have room for children in our home. We will also be going over any questions we may have at that point and what fostering will do to our lives and if we're ready for that. (Duh, just give us kids, lady!)

I know the holidays will fly by and it will be the 7th of January in no time, but right now, it seems like a million light years away to me. I know once we have a placement, all this waiting and stressing will seem like it never happened, but it's funny how the right here and now can make or break your day.

Kate

You Better Belize It!

2009-12-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

Someone was asking me about my time in Belize the other day, so I thought I'd dedicate this post to the year I spent teaching in Central America.

This is Melvin. I remember him distinctly because he was afraid to use the outhouses behind him by himself. So, out I trotted to the out house every time he needed to go so I could hold him up to do his business. *sigh*

Yes, there are Christmas lights in Belize! Not everywhere, though. This is one of only two houses in town that were decorated for the holidays. It must be known that the family who lives here is VERY wealthy.

These are some of my boys outside playing on one of the many breaks during the day. Children in the primary grades have two 15 minute breaks in the morning, one hour break for lunch, and one 15 minute break in the afternoon. The reasoning behind these breaks is the teachers believe this helps the students to pay attention and learn better.

These are some of the fishing boats tied to a short pier in Corozal Town, where I lived for the majority of my time there.

I hope you liked my short trip down memory lane.

All things Child

2009-12-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

So, J and I spent a wonderful weekend with his college roomate and (new) fiance in DC. We had yummy steak on Friday night at Ray's Steaks, went to the National Cathedral for carols on Saturday, ate lunch at Ray's Hell Burgers (Remeber when Obama went out for burgers?) and then went to see Jersey Boys at the National Theater. All I can say about the show is: WOW! We were sitting on the last row at the very tip top of the auditorium, but it was a great show that kept my attention all the way through.

On our way home yesterday, we stopped at Ikea to look around. We both had never been there and thought we'd stop by and check it out. Well, three hours later, we come out with lots of great baby/kid stuff!

We got this high chair with the matching tray and a little pillow wrap thing in case we are placed with a younger baby. We also got toddler plates, bowls, and cutlery. Nightlights for the hallway and the bathroom, child safety locks for our cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, and a step stool for the bathroom sink.

I'm so glad we had some time away from home, but now I am in go-mode for the holidays. I've got a few more gifts to get and wrap, then I'll be ready. We're hosting brunch at our house this year for a few family members that will be in town. Nothing fancy, just breakfast.

Dream Master

2009-12-07T08:55:00.001-08:00

Usually, I don't think my dreams mean anything, but really?

In the last two weeks or so, I've come across not one, but three possibilities of birthmoms and my subconcious is seriously going to town with the notion.

The first:
It was a quiet night post Turkey Day and mother-in-law and I were laying on our respective couches watching TV when I get a text, yes text message, telling me of some birthparents who are looking for a "loving couple" to adopt their baby. Long story short, it was actually an ad in a free paper for a "loving couple" who is looking to adopt a baby. Text-message FAIL. But, I can't tell you how fast my ass shot up off that couch. It really got my heart going.

The second:
J and I have just hired a new personal attendant to come to our house in the mornings to help him get ready for work. In our searching, we interveiwed a nice young lady who, in our conversations about the job said that she herself was adopted by her foster mother when she was 5. When she inquired what age we wanted to foster, she told us of a friend of hers who was considering an adoption plan for her unborn baby because she already has 6 children that she can hardly take care of.
It was all I could do to stay in my seat and not tackle her for more information.

The third:
I am part of an adoption message board online. Today I saw a post from a girl that lives outside of DC and is considering an adoption plan for her baby in one of the threads I was reading. I have always been curious about how a birthmother chooses the agency or attorney she will use to make an adoption plan for their child, so I private-messaged this girl who lives near me and asked her. It would be interesting to hear her take on the agencies in our area.

So, I know these situations are not birthmoms asking us to parent their children, but it is nice to know that God is looking out for us and showing us that our baby could come from any number of places, even the interwebs. The only side affect of this is my subconscious. Now, almost every night, I dream that we somehow get a brand new baby; whether one is dropped off on our doorstep, or someone just rings the bell and hands us an infant when we answer the door. I am seriously going crazy!

PS I had a talk with the texting friend and let her know that it is NOT ok to text me when she gets news of a possible birthmom for us.

Sunday Comics

2009-11-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, so last night I was laying on the couch watching "Knocked Up" on E! when in comes J from the study where he was listening to the University of Richmond basketball game on the internet. Here is what went down:

J: What are you watching?

me: Knocked Up

J: Oh, can I knock you up?

me: (blank stare) Um, no.

What else was there to do at that point other than laugh?

"You have to laugh at yourself because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't" -Emily Saliers

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

2009-11-19T10:34:00.000-08:00

This song is my anthem while I wait:

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Saying Yes to God

2009-11-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

For those of you still following along on what has got to be the most rediculous year of my life, congratulations!
If you had asked me six months ago if we would consider adopting, I would have laughed in your face. If you had asked me last week what we thought about foster care, I would have laughed even harder.

It's amazing what happens when you say yes to God. I had been holding on to my desire for a baby to adopt that I wasn't listening to the quite whisper God had on my heart. Well, on Monday it came to a full blown scream and I could no longer ignore what I knew was the right choice to make, however heart breaking it was to give up my dream.

So, as of Monday night, DH and I are preparing to become foster parents with the intent to adopt. We go to an informational meeting mid-December and then if we are approved, classes will start February 1st and meet for 9 weeks.

Please pray with us for the children that we will open our home to in the coming months and years. Please pray for me as giving up complete control of the situation has not been easy. And, most importantly, please stay tuned as this journey is only beginning and I hope to inform, entertain, and stay connected through this blog.

Aging Out in Foster Care

2009-11-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

Watch this great video about what happens to kids who grow up in the foster care system and what happens when they become too old to qualify for assistance.

2009-11-16T11:34:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like you're running a race and everyone is beating you? In the last few weeks, I found out that not one, but two of my best girlfriends are pregnant. And, they both come over to our house once a week to play games. I'm just going to stop there because if I keep going, you won't want to read my blog any more.

In other news, J and I visited agency B yesterday and were pleasantly surprised by the friendly social workers, and wealth of knowledge they had between the 3 of them. I can say they were much more knowledgable than the weirdo at the Agency A. They even explained to us that in regards to paying for BM expenses, instead of paying OOP for her hospital bills if she doesn't have insurance, we can have her sign up for Medicaid and everything will be covered. We also found out that Agency B has only had 4 agency placements this year so far. All the others, roughly 30ish have been parent placements which means the adoptive parents found the birthmother on their own and used Agency B to facilitate counseling, the Home Study, and post placement services.

After we met with the SW, they invited us to attend a small GTG they were having for waiting families and families that have been placed. We got to meet a few families that had placements already and they openly shared their journeys with us and how much they enjoyed working with Agency B. It was great to hear other's journeys, but a little overwhelming as well to hear that one of the families waited for 2 years for their LO. Daunting to say the least.

I know you all think I'm this strong woman and all, but I'm realy afraid right now. I'm afraid that we are going to make a wrong choice in how we build our family, whether through FA or through DA. I'm really afraid that God won't heed my desire to have an infant to bond with and take care of right after leaving the hospital. I'm scared that trusting in Him completely means giving up that dream. I'm also bargaining with God. I figure since He took away my chance to have a bio child, I get to pick the way we build our family from here on out. Sounds good, doesn't it? I wish it worked that way.

God, give me faith to see that all my trust needs to be put in You. All my dreams and wishes, are Yours for me.
Lord, help me to see that Your way of building our family is the right way, and the best way, and the only way.

Kate

Hannah

2009-11-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

Never did I know that there could be a book out there that could grasp what I've been through in the last year like this one. If you are suffering through infertility, miscarriage, or adoption loss, this is the book for you. Based on the incredible story of Hannah from 1Samuel 1,2 and Jennifer's own journey into motherhood, this is artwork in print.

I'm only page 12, but I was hooked right from the start. Jennifer tells you her 10 plus year journey to become a mother and I swear you better have tissues on hand. Also, at the end of each chapter, there is a little blurb written to your family and friends if you feel anyone should you know should read the book. I'm actually considering giving it to my mom since she feels sort of out of the loop with everything that is going on in our lives.

On another note, J and I are going to our first informational meeting with one of the agencies we are interested in tonight after work. For some reason, I'm nervous. Nervous like I couldn't figure out what to where to work today (we're meeting for dinner, then going to the meeting). Nervous like while driving to work I just wanted to call in sick so I could go buy a new outfit. Nervous like I think I should have a glass of wine before we go just to calm my nerves. Nervous cause I'm afraid they will take one look at us, decided we will be unfit parents and barr us from ever returning.

I know, crazy. I'll let you know how it goes.

Some familiar faces

2009-11-07T18:08:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share some recent photos of me and J so you can get to know us better:
Me and J while on vacay this summer in Maine.

This is J with a new friend from the children's petting zoo at Maymont Park.

This is me with Cassie, the queen of our house.

Kate, the student

2009-11-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

You must be asking yourself, “Why all this information?” Well, you see I’m a nerd. Big time. When I’m faced with something that is not known to me at the time, I want to know as much about it as humanly possible. So, because you are reading my blog, you will be dragged down with me as I read, search, and read some more. But, if you’re on the adoption gravy train, I would think this information would be helpful, especially since I did all the leg work.

J and I are getting more and more excited about adoption and the process before us. I have already started gathering documents that I know we will need for the Homestudy, and making notes about things we need to do around the house to make it more child-friendly. You know, reading about all the things that we need to get together and do before we can be approved to be adoptive parents through our agency; it makes me wonder what it would look like if every couple who wanted to have a biological child of their own was forced to follow the same rules. That would mean that not only would every couple who wanted a child have to prove financial stability; they would also have to undergo a thorough exam process where a complete stranger would inquire why they want a child. A process that I’m sure will be very invasive as far as our privacy goes. I bet teenagers wouldn’t have as much sex as they do. I bet those couples that are not in good places financially wouldn’t be having kids. Can you imagine going to your OB and having him/her tell you that “you are not in a good place to have kids, come back next year when you’ve got your act together”?

Thankfully, I have a God who will give me the desires of my heart. Whatever it takes, however it happens, I will be a mother. God will give me the right words to say and teach me about myself in this process and I’m ready and willing to be an excellent student.

It's Homestudy Day and I'm Not Perfect Yet (an article)

2009-11-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

by Jeanne Marie Kaskas

The social worker is due in a few hours. We’re basically ready. I mean, we’ve cleaned this house like nobody’s business. And we’ve put rock salt all over the driveway so she won’t slip. I was going to make applesauce so the house would have the warm, welcoming smell of cinnamon. But now I’m thinking I should bake bread instead. Or how about a fire in the fireplace? The smell of a fire definitely says: Home.

But what is the smell of Parent? More specifically, what is the smell of Good Parent Material? The social worker is coming to consider us. She’s coming to our house today to do a "home study," step one in the adoption procedure.

Alex and I have decided to adopt a baby. Well, we haven’t decided decided. But we’re deep into the decision process. The deeper you go, the more your heart starts pounding.

There’s a lot you can do before you commit. Lots of paperwork you can get behind you. So this is what we are doing. This is our way of deciding, of tiptoeing, of cracking open the door to the unknown.
"Do you think we should have the smell of baking bread wafting through the house?" I ask Alex.

"Might be a little contrived," he says. "We never bake bread."

"Okay, applesauce."

"We don’t make that either," he says.

"I made it in seventh grade," I point out. "It was the first thing we cooked in home ec.’’

"All right," he says. He knows to surrender when I am being driven by stress.

"But will the smell get all the way back to the family room?" I ask. "Should we bring a fan in here or something and aim the aroma toward the back of the house?"

"No," he says. "No-we-should-not." He knows to speak clearly, definitively, when I am losing my marbles.

I’m nervous. I’ve never had a home study before. I’ve never had to put my domestic self out for review. It is not my most developed self. My inner Martha Stewart is not what you’d call a fully actualized identity.

It doesn’t help that it’s raining. That the ice outside is slowly giving way to a yard that looks like soup. "Welcome to the ugliest day on our farm," I imagine saying to her when she pulls up. But then she might think I mean it’s ugly because she’s here, so, no, I’d better not go there.

I’m nervous. I want this to go right. I’m peeling apples. I’m wiping the counters again and again to show off what a good counter wiper I am. I am sprinkling cinnamon on the apples, lots of it, to make sure the aroma of my own domesticity, of my promise as a mother, is unmistakable.

I could, of course, be insulted. I mean, maybe that’s the more empowering emotional directionto go in right now. The outrage! A home study? Why should I have to prove my parental potential to a complete stranger? Any wacko with the right plumbing can make himself or herself a parent. No forms to fill out. No history to reveal. No how-do-you-handle-conflict essay questions to answer. Why me? Poor me. It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. Which, of course, is only half the story. Life seems unfair only when it’s throwing curves. But what about when it’s sending out those
equally rare perfect pitches: a good job, a good husband, a happy home, a supportive family, a baby who needs a mom.

Okay, here comes a car. A white car. Make that a muddy white car. Oh, dear. I should have prepared her. She pulls up the driveway, sits there for a few minutes. She’s flipping through papers, writing things down. She’s giving us bad marks for mud. I can just tell. I am biting my nails. I am pacing. "Just be yourself," Alex says. He has an umbrella. He is going outside to her.

"Brilliant idea!" I say. "Bring her an umbrella! Blind her with chivalry!"

"It’s raining," he says.

When she gets in the house, I begin my apologies. For the rain. For the gray sky. For the ruts on Wilson Road. For the way the kitchen is not yet renovated. For the light bulb that is out on the porch. For the way the cat sleeps on the satellite dish receiver despite the fact that I have provided him with a perfectly good cat bed.

"You seem nervous," she says, smiling. "Please don’t be. This is not an investigation. This is a…warm-and-fuzzy. You know? I’m just here to help you bring your daughter home."

My…what? Excuse me? This is the first time I have ever heard that word used that way. That is one big word. "Daughter." "My daughter." "Our daughter." That has a ring to it, all right. Alex looks at me. He is smiling. I am smiling. The social worker is smiling. Three people enjoying the same music. Decisions are like music. New songs you try out. The more beautiful the sound, the more your heart starts pounding.

Copyright ©1999 by Jeanne Marie Laskas; originally published in the Washington Post Magazine. Jeanne Marie Laskas is the author of Fifty Acres and a Poodle (Bantam, 2000), and The Exact Same Moon (Bantam, 2003), a book about international adoption.

Stuff to Think About When Considering Adoption

2009-11-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

Before families involve themselves in the adoption process, it is important that they engage in a thorough assessment of attitudes about themselves, their current situation, their current family life, and their support system. The following questions are written for prospective adoptive parents who are married couples since these are the most common adopters. It is understood that single adopters would need to address these questions as well.

What are the reasons we want to adopt?

How do we see adoption as a positive way to build our family?

In what ways do we have the kind of lifestyle that will be enhanced by the adoption of a new family member?

How will our extended family respond to our adopted child?

Do we have personal problems that we think may improve if a child enters our family?
Is our motivation for adopting to “save a child”?

What is our perspective on the potential relationship: Do we want a child for ourselves, or are we a family for a child? In other words, what are our expectations for the child in this relationship?
Are we adopting to acquire a playmate for our biological child?

Can we love and nurture this child without knowledge of this or her history, no matter what may arise because of that history? Are we prepared for any special needs our child may have?

Adoption is a team effort involving parents, agencies, attorneys, and other individuals. How capable do we see ourselves of working through the system?

When we think of a child, do we envision a child who comes with a history or a child who comes with a blank slate?

If infertility is an issue, what point of resolution have we reached regarding our inability to conceive? How has infertility affected our marriage?

If singleness is the reason I don’t have children, what point of resolution have I reached regarding the possibility that I may never marry and have biological children with a spouse?

How has childlessness affected our relationships with relatives, friends, and their children?

Have we asked ourselves, “Who in our extended family or circle of friends would best understand the unique needs or our adopted child?”

These wonderful questions were taken from the book I am currently reading, The Whole Life Adoption Book by Jayne Schooler and Thomas Atwood.

Awww, look at DH

2009-11-03T14:57:00.001-08:00

This is J with his new friend, the daughter of some of our friends, who loves to climb in J's lap every time they come over.

National Adoption Month

2009-11-03T13:29:00.000-08:00

In honor of National Adoption Month, I am going to try posting different information or news or websites about adoption for your reading pleasure.

Finding the Right Words

ADOPTION-FRIENDLY TERMS TO USE:

Birthparent, birthmother, and birthfather to describe the man and woman who conceived and gave birth to the child. Some prefer the term first mother and first father to describe birthparents.

Parent, mother, father, mommy, daddy, and child to describe the adoptive family members. It is not necessary to say “adopted child” or “adoptive parent”, unless the context is adoption.

Make an adoption plan or choose adoption. These terms acknowledge that the birthparents were responsible and in control of their decision.

Parent her child, when a birthparent decides not to choose adoption.

TERMS TO AVOID:

Real parent, real mother, real father, and real family. These terms imply that adoptive relationships are artificial and temporary.

Natural parent, natural child, and one of your own. These terms imply that the parent-child bonds of an adoptive family are not as strong or as lasting as the bonds formed through birth.

Abandoned, surrendered, released, relinquished, gave up for adoption, adopted out, or put up for adoption

Keep her child, which implies that the child is a possession and ignores the responsibilities of parenting.

I got these from the Adoptive Families website.

Donor Embryos?????

2009-10-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

You know the saying that goes something like this: "The shit hit the fan"?

You probably haven't heard this one: "Reality slapped Kate across the face". No? Well, that's what happened Sunday night.

I figured that as long as I could keep a smile on my face for J, letting him know that I don't blame him for the predicament we're in, you know, be strong for my husband, that I would actually skip the morning phaze altogether. And the anger phaze. And the phaze where I just don't know what to do. WRONG!

So, Sunday night I finally cried. The funny thing is I'm not really sure why I cried. I'm still not sure why I tend to tear up while riding in the car just thinking about everything. I'm probably just overwhlemed with everything I've in the last 3 days and everything we need to go to get this party started.

I even cried when I left a message for the IVF coordinator at our RE's office. Bless her, she understood everything I said and even called me back. She told me about some donor embryos they had just received and she said when she listened to my message, she thought about us and even the RE thought it might worth a try if we want. She didn't know anything about the donors, like race, hair or eye color, but she encouraged me to at least talk to J about it and get back to her. She also told me that a donor embryo cycle would be much cheaper than adoption and it's basically the same thing only I carry the baby.

J and I are going to Fredricksburg for the night because he has a sales meeting in DC all day long. the commute will be shorter if we stay in F-burg. I will talk to him about the donor emrbyo option and let you know tomorrow what he says. He was dead set against donor sperm, so I'm not sure how this will go over. I do not want to do donor sperm, either because I didn't want to be carrying anyone else's baby. This is different, though.

Kate

Wasn't Expecting This

2009-10-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

It looks like this will be an adoption blog.

Well, the TESE procedure didn't go as planned. The docs couldn't find any sperm in either of his testicles. They seem to think that he never produced sperm from the get-go and it has nothing to do with his spinal cord injury. They did say they were going to take his samples back to the lab and take a harder look, but I doubt they will find anything. J said all the docs and nurses were super nice to him after they found out and even brought his mom back there to tell her. (It's against policy to bring the family member back)

Jason is devistated. He is so sorry that it's his fault, etc etc. It's funny that I don't have words for him. I just held him when he came by my office to see me a while. I usually don't have words at a time like this, so I'm not surprised that I don't have anything to say.

I am looking forward to what God has in store for us in adopting. I've already checked out a Christian adoption agency here in town; they have an informational meeting at the beginning of November that hopefully we can get into. J doesn't want to talk about it yet, so I'm giving him the room to swallow everything at the moment.

I'm so comforted in the fact that God has something bigger and better planned for us than this. I'm not angry, I'm not hateful; I was crushed that MY plans were dashed, but I keep thinking about how much better His plans will be for us. A lot of the time, it's not the how that makes a difference, it's the end result that matters most.

We'll get through this.

No More Wine?

2009-10-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

What will a girl do?

Here and here are two recent articles about drinking and IVF. Luckily, since starting WW, both J and I have not been drinking a lot. I don't even have one glass a week now. Too many points to waste on drinking, when I'd rather be eating them!

PS J goes under the knife tomorrow for the TESE procedure. Pray that everything goes well and that they find a million sperm in there and that they jump out cause they want to knock me up!

~Kate~

Saggy Ass or Camel Toe?

2009-10-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

Becuase when you're losing weight, you will be faced with this dilema more than once. I was confronted by this choice this morning as I put on my black pants for work. Now, I have the same pair of pants in two sizes because I love them that much. So, when I put on the bigger size, they sit down on my hips, and give me saggy ass. Joyfully, I trotted into the guest bedroom to put on the smaller size and was confronted with camel toe. Damn! What to do? What to do?

I stood looking at myself in the mirror for a while going over the pros and cons of each pair, getting more and more late for work. Finally we had a decision and the hubs was of no help at all.

You are stuck with Saggy Ass all day today. Deal with it!

~Kate~

Goodnight ants!

2009-10-10T16:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I really shouldn't have to say that as I leave my kitchen to turn in for the night. No one should. However, no matter how much I spray bug stuff, clean my counters and keep dirty dishes out of the sink, I just can not seem to get rid of the ants that have invaded. They've only been there a few days, but still. I even pulled my fridge away from the wall to clean under it and still they come out looking. There's nothing to find. I swear.
But, still they come out following each other in that line, the same line every time.
they better not be there in morning.

That's all.

~Kate~

Cold Sores and Birth Control Pills

2009-10-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

SO, never in a million years did I think that taking the Pill would lead to my getting knocked up. I mean, we're taught all our lives to take birth control so you DON'T get knocked by accident. Now, I have to take it for six weeks in order to schedule my retrieval and transfer before the lab closes for Christmas. So, right now I'm looking at my first pack of pills while married a married woman. It just doesn't work well with my body. I hate them. I'll go to the ends of the birth to have a baby, though, so nice to meet you, Pill. I'm Kate. Please play nice.

And, the cold sore. They suck in their own right. J has two. We aren't kissing, which is my favorite thing to do. Boo!

In other news, I'm so excited about IVF and the fact that we have the chance to become parents, I could pee in my pants. I lay awake at night, thinking about being pregnant, I dream about pregnant, I've already looked up what my due date would be if we get pregnant with the first round (early August). I've thought about how to place furniture in the nursery. It's. all. I. can. think. about.

So, I know these six weeks on the Pill will be the longest of my entire life. Here's praying for a successful IVF, and ezpecially for a quick 6 weeks on the Pill.

~Kate~

Our Waiting is Coming to an End!

2009-09-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the last 24 hours…..

As I told you in my last post, J and I sold a van to get the money for the IVF with ICSI procedure. So, yesterday I made a call to the RE’s office to talk strategy with the billing lady and the lady that does all the scheduling of the retrievals and transfers, etc. J and I want to do a December transfer, so the long and short of it is that when I get AF next week, I will go in for my CD3 B/W and then start BCP.

I will be on BCPs for about 6 weeks, then start Lupron the third week in November, and stims the fourth week in November for a retrieval the second week in December. Which means that I would POAS on or around Christmas Eve! Squee!

And, my due date would be at the end of August, which rocks my insurance world, because our insurance runs from 9/1/09 to 8/31/10, which means that I will reach our ridiculously high deductible sooner and our insurance will actually pay for part of my hospital bill. I love sticking it to our health insurance company.

A TTC Update

2009-09-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted anything TTC related in a long time, but J and I have sort of been in a holding pattern while we gather money for IVF. So, here is where we stand now.

We bought a wheelchair accessible van about a month or so ago and J has had some work done to it to make a little prettier. Well, we just sold it and made $14,000 from the sale. So, we're on our way to getting all the money together. We have some in savings, but I doubt J would want to use all that up and not have a cushion should some kind of emergency arise. And, I agree with him.

Once we get all the money together, J will have the testicular biopsy where the doctor will "slice his balls open" and retrieve some tissue. A tech from the andrology lab will be in the room with the doc and J to examine the tissue so they can immediately take the tissue to be preserved for the upcoming ICSI procedure. Within the next month or so, I will be going on BCP to give my ovaries a break since they will be working over time the next cycle I have. I will also go in for an exam with the RE so he can make sure there is nothing wrong with my ute. Then, off we go!

Breakdown of the expenses we have already incured:

initial bloodwork pre-TTC: $800 (our insurance sucks and didn't cover it) most do!
pre-TTC OB appt: $40 copay
BBT, HPT's, OPK's: $50 OOP
SA for J: $100 OOP
Initial RE visit: $200 OOP
Initial visit with Urologist: $50 OOP (discuss the biopsy)
B/W for J: $100 OOP

Total: $1,340 OOP

Breakdown of the expenses we have yet to incure:

Procedure for J: $1500
Storing sperm: $90 every month (if we don't get KU on the first try, this amount acrues every month)
RE visits before starting IVF: $200 (not sure if we need any more of those, but I'll update as we go)
My ute exploration procedure (no clue)
Shared Risk IVF: $24,000
My meds each month to harvest the eggs (no clue)

Total $25,790 at least

It's daunting when you look at the numbers like that, but we'll get there somehow.

~Kate~

Before the Technology Era

2009-09-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

Remember what it was like to have to remember phone numbers for your friends?

Remember when you misbehaved at the Market or anywhere else in public for that matter and mom would take you out to the car for a spanking; not her, idiot!

Remember when there were only maybe 50 channels to choose from on TV and only one or two were for kids?

Remember when kids didn't have cell phones? Shit, remember when no one had a cell phone?

I know you all loved that trip down memory lane; I was setting you up for a great article I found in Women's Day magazine. I'm not going to copy and paste the whole thing here due to copyright laws, but I highly recommend going to the link above and reading that article. It won't take you that long, maybe 7 minutes.

The article made me think about how I want to raise my kids. (No, I'm not KU yet, but one day I will be) On one hand, I don't want my children to live without, but like the article states, what harm can it do? And further from harm, it can even help them. I know I wouldn't have been so eager to go over seas in my twenties had I already been there with my parents.

I also thought about things J and I have done recently to save money in this economy. If we already had children, would they be perceptive to the cutbacks? Of course it depends on age, but then we get to the question, of what do you tell them?

When my sister and I were growing up, we didn't ask for things. I guess maybe you could say we were raised to not ask for things. We considered a gift from someone, even my parents, as special.

So, I leave you with a question: Do you agree with article? In hard times, do you keep giving the kids all they want, even private school, or do you cut back as a family? Why?

~Kate~

Vacation Recap!

2009-09-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Bar Harbor, ME was absolutely fabulous! J and I had a great time in Acadia National Park, at the wedding of some friends of his, and bumming around town. The weather was perfect except for the day of the wedding. Tropical Storm Danny made an appearance so the outdoor wedding was moved indoors. From the way everyone was partying at the reception, you would have had no idea there was a storm outside! This picture was taken on the end of the pier at the hotel where we stayed.

Acadia National Park is one of the most beautiful places we've ever been and one of the most accessible, too. We drove all the way up to the top of Cadillac mountain and there were sidewalks with ramps for J to use so he could get all the way to the summit! The picture here was taken in the park at one of the rocky shorelines along the coast. Most of Maine shoreline is steep, rocky cliffs, however there is one beach in the Park and it is called Sandy Beach!

These berries grew everywhere in the park and I thought they were really pretty.

In New York city we picked up the pace a little bit. We stayed right in Time Square where all the action is and had a great hotel room that was very spacious and had enough room for all our crap. It will be very interesting once we have children and begin travelling with them and their crap as well.

I have to end this post here because I have no more pics yet on the computer.

~Kate~

The Day God Saved His Life

2009-08-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

This is probably what it looked like when DH ran off the road and into a barbed wire fence 7 years ago. We went to a wedding today out in another county about an hour from where we live. We drove by the road where DH had his accident. As we were coming home, he decided to take me by there. He showed me the gas station where "That was the last place I walked, babe". WOW Then, he took me down the road a little ways, telling me that he made it through the first curve, but showed me exactly where he ran off the road in the second curve. He hit the embankment and tumbled end over end into the barbed wire fence at the tree line to break his neck and his right hand.

OK, so his hand will heal obviously. His neck, not so much. A C5/C6 quadraplegic, he went through months of physical and ocupational therapies to be where he is today; my wonderful husband! Since his accident he has completed a bachelor's degree at one of the toughest non-ivy league schools on the east coast, bought a house, married me, and now he's trying to get me knocked up. Talk about determination! Even when there is no sperm in his ejaculate, he will go to all lengths to get those suckers outta there.

Even though it was difficult for me to see the actual place where he broke his neck, he has been out there several times since the accident. He told me it was the day God saved his life. Not sure I would have the same outlook as he does.

~Kate~

B/W Results

2009-08-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

I always new J was perfect!

His bloodwork showed his hormone levels are perfect and we will move on with the IVF process once we round up the money to purchase the Shared Risk Rrogram.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayer over the last 48 hours!

~Kate~

More Bloodwork

2009-08-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

Not for me though! DH had blood drawn at the urologist yesterday to check his LH and FSH levels. Little did we know that if the levels of these hormones are double what they should be, he won't even need the biopsy. Not a good thing, though. If his levels are double what they should be (around 36), it means his pituitary gland is working over time to make sperm and it's not working. So if DH is not making sperm in the first place, there is no reason to slice into his balls, thus saving him a surgical procedure and us both $1,500 OOP. Yes, you read that right: $1,500 for a surgical procedure that is NOT covered by our insurance. Although in the grand scheme of things, it's pennies compared to what we will be forking out for a child. The Shared Risk Program in the state of Virginia costs approximately $24K and doesn't include any of my medication that I will need to take each month.

And then there's the adoption road. I haven't looked too much into what adoption will encompass, so I don't even know an amount to tell you. In the end, it will all be worth it. To be able to hold our own bundle of joy, will be priceless. No Mastercard comments, please. I will tell you a funny thing DH said when we were talking about it the other night. When I asked him if he wanted to get the adoption ball rolling right away if it looked like that was the way we were going, he said that he would want to do some research on the agencies in our area first. I told him that's where we would start of course. He then told me that he doesn't want to have a kid in three weeks. I gave him the famous blank stare for a few seconds then assured him that it usually takes at the very least one year to adopt if not longer. He seemed to relax a little then.

SO, not babes in three weeks, hopefully within the next two years we'll be blessed!

~Kate~

What do you think?

2009-08-10T12:43:00.001-07:00

I believe that life begins at conception. So, where does that leave us with IVF? I know, tough topic, right? Now you know what it must be like in my head these last few days. You need to understand that I want to be a mother more than anything else. God has already granted me my dream of being a wife, now I'm begging Him to allow me the chance to be a great mother.

So, you see it's not important how I become a mother.

So, back to my question: What do you think God thinks about IVF? I've read a few articles about Christian beliefs vs ART. I don't like that after conception takes place, the chances of death are greater than the chances of life with IVF. So, does that mean that the only way J and I will have a baby is through adoption? Are we being punished for past sins by not being allowed even a chance be "natural parents"? And since J is so hell-bent on going through the IVF process, how do I propose this to him without dishonoring him?

~Kate~

Disclaimer: This was written as a question to all you who read and/or follow my blog. Even if you are stopping in just once and happen to get this thick entry, please leave a comment. I'd like to know what you all think. TIA!

Are We Really on the Same Page?

2009-08-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

For the most part, J and I have been together on all the decisions we have made regarding getting pregnant. Even from the beginning, we both agreed we wanted to wait two years before having kids. We both agreed to try on our own for six months and then seek help if I wasn't PG by then. We both agreed after a few months of trying that we needed to see a specialist because of his bp when we have sex. We agreed that I would make appointments for him to have an SA done and meet with an RE at the same time so we could move forward. We both agreed that we could not use DS (donor sperm) for our family.

Now it is time to get the ball rolling for J to get a testicular biopsy done to see if there are sperm in there, and while I would like to have a baby of our own, I'm concerned for J at the same time. Knowing he won't be able to feel the pain of the actual procedure or any of the after affects, I wonder how his body will react to the pain. I wonder how long it will take him to recover from the procedure. I know all these are questions the doctor can answer for us, but can't a girl wonder?

I've told him that he doesn't have to go through with the procedure if he doesn't to and we can go for adoption instead, but I have a feeling he wants to exhaust all means on conceiving our own child before going that route. I think if I were in his shoes, I would want to try all things first before adoption, too.

I never knew this process would be so emotional.

~Kate~

The past 36 hours

2009-08-04T06:19:00.000-07:00

have been a whirlwind of emotions to say the least. DH and I just got home from our first appointment with an RE. But, I guess I should back up a few hours to yesterday around lunchtime. I received a call from the doctor's office reminding me of the appointment; like I could forget! Anyway, she couldn't give me the results of the SA over the phone because she is not a nurse, so I called back and spoke with a nurse. At first she just said that it was abnormal. Then, she said there was nothing useable. So I politely as I could got off the phone with her and cried. I explained to my boss what was going on, and he let me leave for the rest of the day. I went home and tried to figure out how to tell my wonderful DH that his sperm was actually nothing useable, instead of "Mighty Swimmers".

Fastforward to today

Our first appointment with the RE went rather well. As it turns out, there were no sperm in the ejaculate. I think we should get our money back for the SA since there were no sperm to analyze, but whatever.

Game Plan

We have only 2 options left to us at this point. DH is going to schedule a testicular biopsy as soon as possible to see if there are sperm in his testes. If there are, they will extract the sperm and freeze for use with IVF and ICSI. If there are no sperm in his testes, we will begin our journey into adoption.

I told DH that if he doesn't want to go through with the biopsy, we can skip it and go straight to adoption. (I know it will be a huge blow to his ego if he is unable to father a child) He got all teary and said he wants to have a child as beautiful as me. He always knows just what to say.

Prayers

What can I/we be praying for, you might be asking yourself. Just pray for DH and myself; that we have patience and understanding through this process and that it only grows us closer together as a couple.

~Kate ~

CD 28 and Weekend Plans

2009-07-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Now I'm ready to ovulate!

And by the looks of that temp rise this morning, maybe I have! It's amazing what stress can do to your body to make it freak out. That's the only reason I can think of for why I haven't ovulated already this cycle. Because J and I haven't had sex this cycle, I haven't been too concernd over the fact that I haven't ovulated.

As for the weekend....

J and I won 6 FREE tickets to our local comedy club to see Basile. We are going with some people he works with and their wives, so it should be a great time for everyone. We are both looking forward to it.

Saturday, we are going to the local race trak to watch my brother-in-law's brother and his 7-year-old son race motocross at Virginia Motorsports Park. I have never been there, so I am really looking forward to it!

~Kate~

SA done!

2009-07-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

So, we told S (DH's attendant) to leave early today so we could get a sperm sample. She didn't know we were doing this, we just told her to leave early. I think you could call it success. We managed to get most of it into the cup and J got dressed for work. I drove very fast over to the andrology lab to drop off the boys.

It felt kind of weird going into a place where they collect sperm all day long, but I'm glad that part is over with. I'm sure J is glad, too.

We had a great night last night just laying bed watching a thunderstorm together. It has been so long since we just layed together enjoying the quiet, without the TV on, we didn't want to go to sleep!

Now if I would just ovulate this cycle, we'd be in biz!

~Kate~

No One Ever Said

2009-07-27T08:59:00.001-07:00

that trying to have a baby would be like playing games in the back yard when you're a kid. How many times do you swing and miss only to realize you're out this inning? How long do you work on getting the game right only to have someone change the rules on you? All you want is one home run, but you keep getting stopped at first, second, and then third; just waiting for the ref to yell: "You're outta there!" And then to find out you can't play because you're sick only sucks that much more. Except you can't go in the house crying to your mother because no one chose you to be on their team. You're in this alone even though you wish someone would just push you in the right direction.

J has a SA (sperm analysis) this Wednesday morning. If we can get a sample, I will leave the house right afterward and drive them to the clinic. Do you think a pep talk would help? "Show your best side, guys! Make Poppa proud!"

I scheduled an appointment with a fertility doc for August 4th. I made sure we would have the results of the SA by then so we could take it with us. I will also be taking my charts.

So, shouldn't I fell relieved at this point? Like we've got a direction to go in? I'm not relieved. I'm afraid. Afraid of what you ask? The unknown. And this is where my faith is supposed to come into play, right? It's been so easy to have faith in God in other things in my life, but I've never wanted anything so badly in my whole life. What if God says no? Why isn't this situation something I can control? Why isn't it enough for J and I to have sex and then I get KU?

Whenever I have a lack of faith, I remember this quote:

"When you come to the edge of everything you have ever known,FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen; there will be something to stand on or you will be taught how to fly."

And I will leave you with that.

~Kate~