Don't you hate it when you come back from vacation and reality hits you in the face? It's like for four days I was able to forget all that we'd been through in the last year and as soon as we walk
through the door, it all comes flooding back. *To include the cat screaming at me at the top of her little kitty lungs, "Where the eff have you been all weekend and when will you feed me?" One cat for sale.
So how is it that I got over the whole not-having-my-own-Kbombs thing really quickly this time around? Am I becoming numb to it? Uh, no. I'm pushing through. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y coming to realize that this thing is not going away, that God is not going to say, "Oops! I meant this whole thing for someone else, so ya'll can start having sex like rabbits again cause it will pay off." I get that my kids will never be like your kids. Their needs will be different from your kids' needs. When your kid is throwing a temper tantrum because he/she wants ice cream, it's really cause they want ice cream. However when my kid throws a temper tantrum because they want ice cream, it's because they just had a visit with their birthmom who didn't like the way their hair was fixed, talked about their father who abused them, and made doing well in school seem like a stupid thing to do. My kid's temper tantrum about ice cream is because of the feelings they have about the visit and the fact that they have no way of naming these feelings much less how to express them. So, my kid gets ice cream. If that's what it takes to get through the visits each week. Much in the same way vino has helped me to get through this bizarre way of building our family. What helps you get through it? Chocolate? Ice cream? Vino? (those were off the top of my head)
First Home Visit
I was worried for nothing. It was a piece of cake. The social worker came over to the house, (which was spotless might I add) and the four of us (Cassie sat on the floor staring up at her for the whole hour and a half she was at our house) just talked about the things that have been covered in class so far and what we thought about them. The next step is for Jason and I to make appointments to meet with her separately so we can go over our genogram in more depth, and also to go over our homework which covers such areas as the different losses we have been through in our lives, how we were disciplined growing up, who provided guidance for us when we were growing up.
Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light. Matthew 11-28-30
This was on one of the hand outs from class last night in regards to discipline and how it should never be distorted to mean punishment. But, you know I looked at it in a different way and there have been other things in the last few days that have been speaking to me sort of. (I don't hear voices, so please no one call Tuckers) Through out this whole process, I've been praying like mad. But, I haven't really been in the Word. So, imagine my surprise when I'm getting all these little hints to come to God with my questions and what I'm feeling. My mother was right. I'm hardheaded.
Four days in Atlantic to lighten my load and give me a fresh perspective on life and what the heck is going on with mine. Just what I needed. And, how awesome to know that even when my burden may be heavy, I can learn from the Word and lean on the Rock!
*Disclaimer: No cats were harmed in the writing of this blog post or in the going on vacay. Cassie had plenty of food and water to last her an entire week. Her grandmother, aka my mother in law, even came by to play with her and give her a treat on Saturday. Spoiled.